11 Smuppets; Text

[plushaeusrumpified]

Leave me here to die

33 sucks.

Out of all of the numbers out there, it's probably the worst number by far. I mean, what's even the point of it? 32 is better. 31 is better. 33 is absolutely pointless in its existence. And it's an odd number. Odd. Odd numbers suck, but 33 is the suckiest odd number out of all of them.

There's nothing even ironic about it. I can find irony in every other number. But not this one. It's like anti-irony in its most natural form.

We're wizards, we should be able to magically take this number out of existence.

Someone invent a spell for that.

Comments

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Bro stops on the street so that he can get his bearings. Okay, he's preeetty sure he knows where they are. There should be plenty of shit to do around here. It's when he hears Murdoc speak that he turns to face him, not really having caught what he said. He catches that bewildered expression and just grins.]

Is this your first time being in a place like this?

[wwistful]

[Murdoc's attention snaps from all of the damn lights and back to Dirk as he speaks. He tries to be subtle about edging closer to him. It's not that he's scared, but he doesn't feel right here. It's like being closer to Dirk will somehow make him fit in properly.

He nods slowly, taking more reserved glances around the street.]

I've never seen anythin' like it.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[He notices Murdoc edging closer, and subconsciously he places a hand at the small of Murdoc's back in an effort to be comforting. He's starting to be able to tell that it's a lot for Murdoc to handle, and he half wonders just how fucking sheltered Murdoc's been all his life to have never seen Muggle London.]

You get used to it eventually.

[His hand moves from Murdoc's back to take him by the hand, twining their fingers together so that he can pull Murdoc along.]

C'mon, let's go.

[wwistful]

[Instinctively, Murdoc shifts closer as Bro places a hand on his back. He's a big boy, he doesn't need to be protected! But he can't help feeling intimidated enough to shift into Bro's protective radius. Being as subtle as possble about it, of course.

He squeezes his hand, trying not to be so distracted. It's Dirk's day and the focus should be on him.]

Where to?

[plushaeusrumpified]

I'm not actually sure. But we should be able to-

[He stops, because at that moment, his eyes catch sight of a movie theater, and his eyes go wide.]

Oh damn. Oh damn. Murdoc, have you ever seen a movie? Because I suddenly know what we're gonna do today.

[wwistful]

[Murdoc cocks his head to the side as Bro trails off, he narrows his eyes as the other man widens them. In his head he's thinking over horrible scenarios, but what Bro comes up with...doesn't seem all that bad.]

No, I can't say I have. Those.. are the moving pictures with sound, aren't they?

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Oh, Murdoc. Dear, sweet, naive Murdoc. Considering what made him so excited, it really is bad.]

It sure is! And we're gonna go see that one.

[He takes Murdoc by the shoulders and twists him until he's facing the movie theater he'd spotted, and points at one of the giant Breaking Dawn posters that are on display, letting everyone know the movie is now playing. He sounds really goddamn excited at the prospect of seeing this movie, you have no idea.]

[wwistful]

[Murdoc has no idea. He continues to have no idea as he directs his attention toward the posted Dirk is pointing at. He cocks his head to the side and raises an eyebrow.]

They look as if they're part veela. [He crinkles his nose.] It seems incredibly unnatural.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Oh, Murdoc. How cute.

But to be honest, Bro is pretty excited to finally be able to tell him all about the vampires he'd talked about before. It's about time he finally gets some of the things that Bro talks about.]

Nah, not veela. They're vampires! The ones I was tellin' you about before. You remember, don't you?

[wwistful]

[It's not cute, it's a perfectly normal reaction. He has no idea what's going on in that poster but it isn't right..

He rubs his shoulder against Bro's, indicating that he should start walking, but he can't stop staring at it...]

I've seen plenty of vampires and none of them look a thing like that. [A pause.] Sort of? You tell me about a lot of things.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Yeah, but these should stand out. We've talked about them before- y'know, back when you refused to tell me who's a vampire in the castle and who isn't.

[He pauses, and then gives Murdoc a light push on the shoulder.]

Would've been fuckin' awesome to know Dolores was one, by the way. I kinda wasn't prepared for that. Not that it matters. Who could hate that woman for any goddamn thing, let alone Vampirism? I mean seriously.

[He shrugs though, taking Murdoc by the hand to lead him across the street over to the theater.]

Anyway though, these are Stephenie Meyer's version of Vampires. It's probably the worst series ever, but that's what makes it great. They fuckin' sparkle. How stupidly amazing is that, am I right?

[wwistful]

Oh. [Awkward.] Yes, of course. I remember now. You'll have to forgive me, pet. I've lost my memory in my old age. [He gives him a sweet smile so he can't possibly be mad.]

Err. Yes. Well, she wanted me to keep it a secret and it would've been downright awful of me not to. Besides, I knew she'd tell you eventually. [He hums.] Plenty of people are irrationally biased, it's a fact of life.

Sparkle? [He crinkles his nose as he looks around the theater.] If it's so terrible why are we watchin' it?

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Bro isn't in the proper space to be angry, and besides, he knows that a lot of what he says to Murdoc goes over his head, so honestly he isn't going to hold it against him. He just lets out a small laugh, giving Murdoc a nudge.]

It's fine, I'm not actually upset with you. But still, tell me shit in the future.

[He shakes his head. No, Murdoc, he didn't say it was terrible. He said it was stupidly amazing. There's a difference.

Okay, it's kind of terrible, but shhhh.]

Because it's the worst series in the world and that's what makes watching it ironic.

[wwistful]

Well, we weren't this close then, were we? Would've been a little impractical. [He gives him a little flick.] In the end it's her place to tell you, not mine.

[He doesn't look as if he understands that, but he nudges Bro back and gives him an expectant look.] Whatever you say, birthday boy. Will you lead the way, then?

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Bro gives him a flick back, sticking out his tongue, before shrugging.]

Yeeeah, let's go get our tickets.

[He leads the way through the throngs of teenage girls, standing in line and finally making his way to the ticket booth. Once the tickets are in hand, he takes Murdoc's hand and pulls him inside the theater.]

So, you want some popcorn? Nachos?

[wwistful]

[Murdoc rolls his eyes dramatically, letting Bro pull him along like he's a dumb dog. But it's alright, it means he can stare around in confusion without worrying where he's going.

God, everything is confusing to him. Hell, that question is fucking confusing.]

Ah.. Uh. [He just gives Bro a wide eyed stare, not knowing what the hell he wants.] You pick.

[plushaeusrumpified]

You know what? Screw it. Let's get both.

[Because why not? He has money to spare. And it saves Murdoc the trouble of having to decide. What an adorable man, Bro thinks. So far removed from his element that he can't even make the decision between popcorn and nachos. What a fucking kawaii.

So he orders a large popcorn and nachos for both of them, along with two large drinks. And some candy. Lots of candy. This is gonna be the best goddamn movie ever.]

Help me carry this shit, man.

[wwistful]

Alright.

[That's all he can really get out. God, he feels out of place despite looking the part. He feels like somehow people know there's something weird about him. Probably because he keeps looking around like everything is fucking magic.

He snaps out of his daze as Bro addresses him, looking up at him and over at the snack hoarde with wide eyes.]

Are you hungry? [He asks with a sly smile, moving in to take some of the food.]

[plushaeusrumpified]

[It's also probably a lot to do with the fact that he's a grown man going to a teen girl movie, let's be honest there. They probably think he's some creepy old man or something, oogling the pretty girls.]

Kind of, but since you wouldn't pick I'm just getting everything. And thanks.

[With the food in hand, he leads Murdoc towards their theater.] Have you even ever had nachos or popcorn? I don't fuckin' know what wi- [Oops. Not supposed to say that in public.] Uhh, y'know. I don't know what you guys eat.