13 Smuppets; Text

[plushaeusrumpified]

Essays.

I'm sure you all just fucking love essays, don't you? Well it's been too long since I assigned one and considering my last assignment mysteriously went missing, that's what you're gonna get. So pick a language of your choice, I don't even care which one. It could be pig Latin for all I care at this point.

Got your language picked out?

Write me ten inches on why people suck.

The first person to complain about this assignment gets 100 points taken away, so just shut up and do it.

Whoever has the most compelling argument on why people suck gets 150 points and the essay blown up and stuck in the entrance hall for everyone to see every day.

Comments

[higherthaneverybody]

yes, but you have
THE ATTENTION SPAN
of a child, and i've done nothing to arouse your ire of late.
YOU'RE MORE EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN HIM
since you've actually been quite free with disclosing sexual details of your life.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I have the attention span of a child because I'm still pissy over the way you've butted into my life and nosed around where you've had no business doing so?

Like you're doing right now.

So what if I was emotionally invested in him? Gasp, people tend to fucking do that when they're in a relationship.

[higherthaneverybody]

i'm not sure i see the connection between
ANGER AND ATTENTION SPAN.
but here's another fine example.
THE POINT OF MENTIONING EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT
was to explain why i don't believe you would assign something to your students
BASED ON YOUR DISLIKE OF ME.
unless you spend a lot more time
THINKING ABOUT ME
than i previously assumed.

and it can hardly be called nosing when you
MAKE EVERYTHING SO TERRIBLY PUBLIC.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Alright, my bad. You caught me. It's true. I think about you every fucking day. I just can't help myself, you get me so hot and bothered. You invade my every thought and dream. I'm so fucking sorry for keeping it a secret for so long.


Just because I don't filter everything I goddamn write doesn't mean it's any of your business.

[higherthaneverybody]

the threat of publicly posting some child's
RIDICULOUS ESSAY ON MISANTHROPY
does actually concern me somewhat, strider.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Extrapolate.

[higherthaneverybody]

i appreciate that your would-be lover has put you
IN A FOUL MOOD
but do you really think it a good educational strategy
TO FORCE CHILDREN
to write about how
YOU BELIEVE
all people are a disappointment?
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO THINK?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Writing about how much people suck is pretty much the best educational strategy, bro. If there was ever a lesson taught, it would be the most accurate one. The world doesn't cut anybody any fucking slack, they need to know that early. I'm just helping it along and preparing them for the real world.

[higherthaneverybody]

YOUR EGOCENTRISM IS ASTONISHING.
i wonder how you'll feel when you've made up with your wayward professor?

[plushaeusrumpified]

You mean if.

The ball's in his court. I'm not waiting forever.

[higherthaneverybody]

I MEAN WHEN.
the man clings to anyone who
GIVES HIM ATTENTION.
he won't risk losing that.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I really do goddamn mean IF. It doesn't matter if that's the case or not. I said I'm not waiting forever. He's not fucking clinging now and his chance to be a koala is running out.

[higherthaneverybody]

no, but you'll
WAIT LONG ENOUGH.

[plushaeusrumpified]

And what the fuck makes you say that? You don't know me. You don't fucking know the whole situation. This ain't something I'm just gonna wait around forever for. I'm not a preteen girl with a crush.

[higherthaneverybody]

YOU WON'T WAIT FOREVER.
but you'll wait long enough. you and he
ARE EASY ENOUGH TO KNOW,
despite how you like to pretend that
THE THINGS I SAY
aren't true.
BUT THEY ARE.
you were wooing and sleeping with him
AS YOU DENIED IT.
and he'll come back to you
AND YOU'LL WAIT
though you deny that, too.
YOU WEAR YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE, PLENTYN.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I denied it because at the time, he was fucking engaged to Matteris. That's the only reason I kept it from anybody. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, no matter what you might think. I don't get where you got that impression from. You're fuckin' ridiculous.

[higherthaneverybody]

you're truly an expert on
DENIAL.