13 Smuppets; Text

[plushaeusrumpified]

Essays.

I'm sure you all just fucking love essays, don't you? Well it's been too long since I assigned one and considering my last assignment mysteriously went missing, that's what you're gonna get. So pick a language of your choice, I don't even care which one. It could be pig Latin for all I care at this point.

Got your language picked out?

Write me ten inches on why people suck.

The first person to complain about this assignment gets 100 points taken away, so just shut up and do it.

Whoever has the most compelling argument on why people suck gets 150 points and the essay blown up and stuck in the entrance hall for everyone to see every day.

Comments

[Filtered]

[wavesofjade]

Dirk..
Do You Really Think It Fair To Take This Out On The Students?

[Filtered]

[plushaeusrumpified]

Wow, you're making some wild assumptions there, Dol. It's just been a while since I assigned homework. It's just a normal, every day assignment. I'm not taking a damn thing out on anybody.

[Filtered]

[wavesofjade]

Dont Play Coy With Me Young Man.
I Understand That Youre Angry But This Is Not The Way To Approach It.

[Filtered]

[rule_britannia]

Not that I'm complaining about the essay, sir.
I might well go over the ten inches if that's permissible, I can write a good deal on this topic.

But.. are you quite alright?

[Filtered]

[plushaeusrumpified]

By all means, go over the limit. I nearly made it higher, but then I figured there would be no points left for anybody.

I'm fine. What makes you think I'm not?

[Filtered]

[rule_britannia]

Just a hunch..

[seeringlight]

It's nice that you would make others think they even have a chance in the matter, but we already know that my essay will be far superior than whatever anyone else can muster.
I don't want to brag, but I already know that my capabilities far exceed others in this topic. Let's be honest here.
Khoulhlhenhge uycchephted.

[Filtered]

Whhout os whrounhgh?
I mean.
Are you okay? Did something happen during our times away?

[plushaeusrumpified]

You know I can't show obvious bias, Rose. So really it would be unfair of me to show favoritism or otherwise encourage your belief that you will come out on top.

[Filtered]

With that said, I know you will.

And I'm fine.
It's nothing for you to worry about.

[seeringlight]

It's not a bias favoritism at all. I just so happen to be one of the best students anyone could ever ask for and just so happen to be related to you. It's just an uncanny coincidence.

[Filtered]

You're lying to me.

[savviest]

If, hypothetically, a professor were interested in having their hypothetical assignment put on the hypothetical wall, would they be able to submit it in a..hypothetical sense?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Dude, if you really wanna write the assignment then I ain't gonna stop you. You just won't get points for it.

But I'd buy you a drink.

[savviest]

I've no need for points! It's the fame I'm in it for.

And the drinks. Always the drinks. I'd write most anything for a drink.

[allisnotlost]

this isnt a complaint in the slightest but im goin to ask a simple question
wwhat side of the bed did you fuckin roll off a
seriously

[filtered]

[wwistful]

Go to bed.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Y'know I could easily count this as a complaint if I wanted to, but I'll let it slide.

I woke up on the fucking best side of the bed ever. The side of the bed that offers clarity.

[cantstarvethisfire]

I can do this one.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Somehow I'm honestly not surprised at all.

[filtered]

[wwistful]

Really

[You saw nothing.]

[filtered]

[plushaeusrumpified]

[He saw everything.]

Considering this isn't your class, I don't see why you have any business snooping.

Filtered Private

[higherthaneverybody]

YOUR LEVEL OF PROFESSIONALISM
is an inspiration to see, strider.

Filtered Private

[plushaeusrumpified]

Really? Don't be a smartass. I'm sure everyone's already come to the conclusion that the last fucking thing I am is professional. I've come to accept that a longass time ago.

[greenmoonrising]

Not being a smart-ass, sir, but... what do you mean by 'suck'? Do you mean literally the action of sucking with one's lips or being a terrible person? [HE'S SO CONFUSED.]

[plushaeusrumpified]

I mean the version of it that won't get me fired for assigning goddamn pornography as homework.

[itsintheblood]

Did someone spit in your pumpkin juice?

[plushaeusrumpified]

I don't know why people are giving me shit when this should be par for the course when it comes to me. I mean really, isn't this what everyone's come to expect anyway?