sortinghat_rp | Two Sick Beats

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Two Sick Beats

_{[It's....technically Sunday. And yes, the timestamp is in fact completely accurate. 0457 GMT.]}

WHERE IS HE?
BRO I FUCKING KNOW YOURE SOMEWHERE IN THIS FUCKING CASTLE
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOURE DOING HERE
OR HOW THE FUCK YOU GOT IN OUR ROOM
BUT I KNOW YOURE HERE SOMEWHERE AND I WILL FIND YOU

_{[Karkat and John (as well as most of Gryffindor Tower) just got the rudest awakening of the year. Namely, Dave screaming like the star in an exorcism movie and flailing out from under a massive, multicoloured pile of his brother's signature smuppets. Y u p.

Happy Parent's Day, everyone!]}

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her names not green text asshole its jade
or harley

and i think we already fucking discussed the issue of egberts heterosexuality
and how that may be a detriment to getting our sausage rubbing on

and girls are not few and far between
lalonde is available
and harley although i dunno if she even thinks about anyone that way
after her last boyfriend went the way of the fist

fine harley.

how do you fucking know hes as heterosexual.
have you ever asked him if hed be open for sloppy makeouts.
he might be.
if youve got such a fucking bromance going then im sure he can handle it.

lalondes not an option.
have you met her mother.
shes an alcoholic.
and that is a bad influence.
stay away from lalonde pants.

and are you kidding if youre that desperate for harley then man the fuck up and ask her out.
she thinks youre not even into her that way.
open your god damn eyes people.
its like im dealing with kids he-

fuck.

protip rose is not her mom
and im pretty sure shed kick your ass for implying that she is
not that im sure ms lalonde isnt a classy lady and shit but
she and rose may be cut from the same cloth but they were made into totally different articles of clothing
fuck i dont even know where that metaphor went

yeah spoiler alert jackass im the oldest out of the four of us and im only fourteen

no dumbass.
im asking whether you want a crazy drunk for a stepmom
protip you dont.
you really dont.

yeah it kinda flew away and then dropped dead.
like the owl that one time.
you know.
the one you killed.

im not even touching the owl this time because you know what
lets take a look at the word stepmom
at the risk of being cliche i do not think it means what you think it means
what the fuck kind of freudian slip was that bro
do you have the hots for roses mom

wait what.
no fuck you dave.
god.
see this is why you shouldnt date fucking lalondes.
psychoanalytical bullshit.
i meant mother inlaw you dumb fuck.
easy mistake to make.

no no i think were on to something here
you dont want me macking on rose
because that would make it awkward for you to get your hands all over her mom
i have seen through your plan
and it involves getting your hands all up over some classy lalonde booty
dont worry man
im not gonna judge
i can be accepting and shit too

oh my fucking. god.
dave youre so.
yes.
yes you caught me.
i want to get all up in the fucking bed with lalonde.
alcoholics are my fucking weakness dave.
i have the undying urge to suck the booze from her nipples and get sloppy drunk and make god damn passionate love with her until we both pass out from sheer drunk exhaustion.

that is the most disturbing and disgusting description i have ever heard
i didnt need to know about roses moms nipples bro jesus dick
also fuck its confusing calling both of them lalonde

welp if the wedding bells start ringing you know i got your back
ill be your best man
so long as you let me get trashed at the reception
so that i can forget that you intend to bang her through the mattress

you were the one who fucking started it.
so build a bridge.

dave youre enough of a dumbass right now.
you dont need the booze.

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