sortinghat_rp | Three Smuppets

right so.
it kinda looks like i fucked up last time i used this thing.
a lot.
alright listen up.
i was gonna do this through all kinda of filters and shit.
but then i decided im just gonna fucking lay it all out right here to everyone.
i dont fucking care who sees.
because everybody saw my massive pissy bitchstorm.
and you know what?
no i dont fucking expect this to fix a goddamn thing.
i dont even expect it to fix one thing.

anyway.

first serket.
vriska i mean.
im really sorry for what i said.
that shit was fucked up and you didnt deserve any of it.
it sounds like your mom was pretty fucking awesome.
way better than mine.
i shouldnt have ever said anything bad about her.
specially not when you were just trying to help.
which i just wanna say i appreciate the shit out of you for trying to do that.
even if i was a huge gaping asshole bigger than the goatse man himself.
anyway i just really feel like shit for doing that to you and im sorry.
you dont have to forgive me.
you dont even have to say a fucking word.
but just know im really fucking sorry.

vantas...es
and karkat.
mostly karkat.
dude im sorry for that shit.
that was so fucking out of line.
look just because you do the shit you do doesnt make you less of a man.
it doesnt mean youre gay.
i was just being a dick and im sorry.
and im really sorry about your mom.
and about everything i said about her.
im really sorry.
like i said to vriska i dont expect you to say anything.
its fine.

[Despite the fact he decided not to filter anything, the next two sentences are filtered. Because he knows if Dave saw them, he would think things he shouldn't. So this is filters to Di and Sal.]

and to the other vantases (i dont know your names).
youre better parents than i could ever fucking be.

[/end filter]

banks.
im sorry that your brother is a cripple
wait. no. fuck.
im sorry for saying hes a cripple.
i mean even though he is.
what i fucking mean is im sorry for dragging him into the shit.
that wasnt cool at all and im sorry for the shit i said about him.
i know i fucked up and i know youre pissed as fuck about it.
but im sorry.

basically im just.
sorry to everybody.
i fucked up.
end of story.
i dont expect anyone to forgive me.
i wouldnt forgive myself.
but yeah there it all is.
peace.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You can do it as well?

I didn't know autofellatio was this common.

yEaH, hE's A gIaNt ToOl, So It Be PrEtTy SiMpLe On HiS eNd.

more like i have a giant tool douchefuck
im not surprised a lonely asshole like you can suck his own cock
whats the matter
can only get it up if theres a foam nose involved

[Wait, what? ... oh. Clown reference.]

sO wHaT's YoUr ExCuSe?

you could say its a parlor trick
nothing up my sleeve

i AiN't ThE oNe WhAt Be AlL tAlKiNg Up HoW gOoD mY oWn MoUtH iS.
dAmN, i GuEsS yOu Be PrEtTy PrAcTiCeD aT sUcKiNg DiCk.
CaN i GeT mE sOmE lEsSoNs?

only if you wanna watch and take notes
we gonna sweeney todd on this
get us some volunteers
or we gonna cut our own hair so to speak

sO aRe YoU mOtHeRfUcKiN aSkInG mE iF i WaNt To WaTcH yOu BlOw SoMe DuDe?

[ ... huh.]

Ok.

[...well that wasn't exactly how he anticipated this would go.]

uh
okay
time and place

well have to do it auto though
dont wanna cheat on my girl

YoU'rE tHe MoThErFuCkEr WhAt MeNtIoNeD vOlUnTeErS.
bUt I gUeSs We CoUlD bE uSiNg SoMeBoDy'S rOoM.

[Don't ever play gay chicken with an actual gay dude who's also a stoner, Dave.]

or an empty classroom
saturday 8pm
if youre so toked out you cant get it up you lose

[It's not like he's the straightest person in the world, he'll roll with it.]

aIn'T nEvEr BeEn A pRoBlEm FoR mE.
aNd I aIn'T tHe ExPeRt CoCkSuCkEr YoU aRe, So I gUeSs YoU'lL bE sChOoLfEeDiNg Me.

if you think my mouth is getting anywhere near your dick youve got another think coming
you can look but dont touch

NaH, iT's CoOl, I wOuLdN't WaNt To ChOkE a MoThErFuCkEr.

i wouldnt put it past you to try just so you could make it look like an accident

[He will acknowledge that Gamzee probably has a decently-sized dick, simply because they're both capable of blowing themselves.]

[Oh, Dave, it's monstrous huge. As in, going-to-cause-problems-for-prospective-partners-in-the-future monstrous, though he probably would have a decent career in pornography.]

TeMpTiNg, MoThErFuCkEr.

[Just ... excuse Gamzee for a moment, would you, while he thinks about that? Oops, boner.]

I don't think it has anything to do with being lonely.

If anything, autofellatio is an achievement in flexibility.
And possibly endurance.

you must be new

Not really.
I've been here for the past three years.

figure of speech
or internet meme
take your pick

The internet is the electronic muggle communication network, isn't it?

Three Smuppets

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