Three Smuppets

[plushaeusrumpified]

right so.
it kinda looks like i fucked up last time i used this thing.
a lot.
alright listen up.
i was gonna do this through all kinda of filters and shit.
but then i decided im just gonna fucking lay it all out right here to everyone.
i dont fucking care who sees.
because everybody saw my massive pissy bitchstorm.
and you know what?
no i dont fucking expect this to fix a goddamn thing.
i dont even expect it to fix one thing.

anyway.

first serket.
vriska i mean.
im really sorry for what i said.
that shit was fucked up and you didnt deserve any of it.
it sounds like your mom was pretty fucking awesome.
way better than mine.
i shouldnt have ever said anything bad about her.
specially not when you were just trying to help.
which i just wanna say i appreciate the shit out of you for trying to do that.
even if i was a huge gaping asshole bigger than the goatse man himself.
anyway i just really feel like shit for doing that to you and im sorry.
you dont have to forgive me.
you dont even have to say a fucking word.
but just know im really fucking sorry.

vantas...es
and karkat.
mostly karkat.
dude im sorry for that shit.
that was so fucking out of line.
look just because you do the shit you do doesnt make you less of a man.
it doesnt mean youre gay.
i was just being a dick and im sorry.
and im really sorry about your mom.
and about everything i said about her.
im really sorry.
like i said to vriska i dont expect you to say anything.
its fine.

[Despite the fact he decided not to filter anything, the next two sentences are filtered. Because he knows if Dave saw them, he would think things he shouldn't. So this is filters to Di and Sal.]

and to the other vantases (i dont know your names).
youre better parents than i could ever fucking be.

[/end filter]

banks.
im sorry that your brother is a cripple
wait. no. fuck.
im sorry for saying hes a cripple.
i mean even though he is.
what i fucking mean is im sorry for dragging him into the shit.
that wasnt cool at all and im sorry for the shit i said about him.
i know i fucked up and i know youre pissed as fuck about it.
but im sorry.

basically im just.
sorry to everybody.
i fucked up.
end of story.
i dont expect anyone to forgive me.
i wouldnt forgive myself.
but yeah there it all is.
peace.

Comments

[clockspinner]

its not that hard
mostly its in the position
and also the size of the tool
like you said just a creative way to fap

[Filtered because apparently you're not meant to talk about this on open forums.]

[doctorkishitani]

You can do it as well?

I didn't know autofellatio was this common.

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[mo_cara]

yEaH, hE's A gIaNt ToOl, So It Be PrEtTy SiMpLe On HiS eNd.

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[clockspinner]

more like i have a giant tool douchefuck
im not surprised a lonely asshole like you can suck his own cock
whats the matter
can only get it up if theres a foam nose involved

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[mo_cara]

[Wait, what? ... oh. Clown reference.]

sO wHaT's YoUr ExCuSe?

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[clockspinner]

you could say its a parlor trick
nothing up my sleeve

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[mo_cara]

i AiN't ThE oNe WhAt Be AlL tAlKiNg Up HoW gOoD mY oWn MoUtH iS.
dAmN, i GuEsS yOu Be PrEtTy PrAcTiCeD aT sUcKiNg DiCk.
CaN i GeT mE sOmE lEsSoNs?

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[clockspinner]

only if you wanna watch and take notes
we gonna sweeney todd on this
get us some volunteers
or we gonna cut our own hair so to speak

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[mo_cara]

sO aRe YoU mOtHeRfUcKiN aSkInG mE iF i WaNt To WaTcH yOu BlOw SoMe DuDe?

[ ... huh.]

Ok.

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[doctorkishitani]

I don't think it has anything to do with being lonely.

If anything, autofellatio is an achievement in flexibility.
And possibly endurance.

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[clockspinner]

you must be new

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[doctorkishitani]

Not really.
I've been here for the past three years.

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[clockspinner]

figure of speech
or internet meme
take your pick

[Filtered to 3rd years.]

[doctorkishitani]

The internet is the electronic muggle communication network, isn't it?

[dou8letrou8le]

This seems just very
Inconvenient
For you.

[clockspinner]

see you dont have a crotch torpedo so im gonna take it easy on you
trust me
being able to suck your own dick is about as far away from inconvenient as you can get

[dou8letrou8le]

If you are flexi8le, yes.
If not, no.

[clockspinner]

well yeah but if youre not flexible you cant do it

[dou8letrou8le]

So, what
Is your hand too 8oring for 8oys now?

[clockspinner]

sometimes the imaginations just not good enough
its useful when you want some more tangible stimulation
nothing beats a warm mouth

[dou8letrou8le]

[Dave pls good Lord hasn't this girl been through enough.]


Except a warm mouth that is not your own, yes?
Or do you prefer narcissism?

[clockspinner]

nobody knows me like i do
besides if i dont get off on a semi-regular basis my pheromones would make all the panties in the school instantaneously dissolve
i dont wanna be responsible for that kind of shit
not til everybodys legal

[givesyouaboner]

All I have to do is glance down.

[clockspinner]

dont put your eye out

[givesyouaboner]

Don't worry; I have my shades on.