sortinghat_rp | Five Smuppets [Private to the Adults; Unhackable- But also an Unfiltered bit!]]

ok so.
i need help.
oh look bro striders asking for help.
its a sign of the fucking apocalypse or somethin.
whatever shittyass douchebag comment youve got about this you can go shove it up your hairy ass.
because i dont fucking care if you think its funny.
i legit need help so just keep your fucking commentary to yourself for once.
murdoc i am looking right the fuck at you.
go away.
i dont even know why i didnt filter you out of this.
i know youve got shit to say.
and yknow its not like you have anything relevant to add to this anyway.
youre the last person i even want to ask for advice from.
especially on this fucking matter.
anyway.
yeah so here i go.

[Well now that he's about to get to the matter, he feels really hesitant. It's been a while since he's talked about this kind of thing. In fact, he... hasn't really talked about it since it happened. It's just something he's bottled up and tried to forget about. He's tried to ignore the signs that it's still an issue, for himself and for Dirk. But after what happened on the journals with Dirk, he can't keep ignoring that there's a problem. A problem he just doesn't know how to fix at all, because... To be honest, it still hurts him too. Even though he's pretended that it hasn't ever since Dirk moved in.]

so yeah yknow.
my bro died. im sure you all remember that.
theres no need to point out how i fucked up there guys.
i know.
i really do.
so just shut up because im sure youre dying to remind me how much i fucked up there.
dont.
seriously just dont.
anyway. yeah. he died and so im left with a nephew.
a really fucking rad nephew by the way.
hes great.
i really just couldnt even ask for a better nephew.
except i think hes broken.
i mean.
i dont mean that in like a bad way.
i legit mean that i think somethings wrong.
and i dont know how to fix it.
i just think its really getting to him and i dont think he wants to even admit it himself.
i mean im sure if i asked him hed just deny the hell out of it.
because thats what striders do.
and i can admit we can be really fucking annoying like that.
but the thing is even if i did ask him.
i couldnt.
because i dont know how to fucking ask.
i dont know how to deal with this shit you guys.
i dont even know how to deal with his death to be fucking honest.
so how the hell dyou help an 11 year old.
its just really obvious from the way he talks that its there.
right underneath the surface.
i think hes got some resentment or some shit.
maybe even for me because i didnt really talk to my bro all that much.
i just dont know.

so how do i deal with this.
what do i even do.
i never thought id ask for parenting advice but.
well here the fuck i am.

also.
uh.
i know that dave went through a lot last year and i was wondering if there was anything i should do about that too.
like. do i talk to him about it or just.
pretend none of it ever happened. because im sure hed rather just forget about it.
but i dunno i mean that doesnt seem to be helping dirk so i just figured that maybe dave might need to let it out or something too.

anyway yeah.
i need a drink.

[After a few seconds, he adds an unfiltered part as an after thought, because he really just needs to get his mind off of this shit.]

so i hope you little shits all had a fantastic time at the party.
you owe me some fucking lube though.
and condoms.
because seriously who uses a mans condoms.
thats just rude.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yes.

[No. No he does not want to go play in the lube n slide. that is not something he wants to do.

nope.]

meet me on the roof.

Ok.

_{[He doesn't even hesitate in getting up and heading to the roof. Well, he does, but only for a second because Orangina is at his heels and she definitely can't follow. His solution? Let her play in the smuppet pile.

In truth it's a solid five minutes before he gets up there, but there he is.]}

[Bro's already on the roof long before Dirk, staring down at the tarp they used for the slip n slide. Of course he's not going to play on it. No. That's not at thing he's going to do at all, god damn it. He just has his shirt off because it's a little bit warm. When he hears Dirk, he turns around.]

Yo.

_{[Dirk has his fists shoved in his pockets, not reacting until he's certain he's not getting in trouble for creating something awesome.]}

Sup.

You wanna show me how this thing works?

[Not because he wants to try it. Seriously.

Who is he kidding, he wants to so damn bad.]

I guess so.

_{[There's still some water on the tarp, but he turns on the hose anyway. He doesn't bother taking his shirt off because he's already sunburnt from forgetting to put sunscreen on last time he played on it. Once it's wet enough, he makes a running start, leaps, and slides down the entire expanse of the tarp. By the time he's at the end, the front of his clothing, hair and face are completely soaked.

There's no way he can do this without laughing, either. It's just too fun.]}

[There's no way Bro can keep a straight face, either. This is without a doubt the best use for lube. Aside from sex, anyway. He actually lets out a laugh when he sees the state of Dirk once he's finished. And Bro just can't take it anymore, he's gotta do this. He takes a runny start too and dives onto the tarp.

Fuck yes, this is the best thing ever.]

_{[Dirk rolls over and sits down on the edge of the tarp, out of the way. He's out of range for being hit, but not from getting splashed. That's perfectly fine because getting even more wet is half of the fun.

The corners of his mouth are upturned as he's watching this fold out in front of him. Considering his mood lately and that he wasn't laughing anymore, this might as well be an ear-to-ear grin.]}

It's awesome, isn't it.

[It's a good thing that Dirk did move, because Bro cannot control himself once he's sliding, and he would've slid right into him. When he slides to a stop, he's trying to fight back a laugh, but it doesn't work. It bubbles out, and then he's laughing pretty loudly. Fuck it, he's allowed to laugh in front of Dirk. It's cool.]

Haha... it's the fucking best!

_{[He's just watching and grinning to himself. It's always strange seeing Bro cut up like this, but he doesn't mind it in the least. It's infectious, really.]}

At first I wasn't sure if you were mad about it or not.

[It takes him at least half a minute to stop laughing, and even longer to respond, because every time he tries to stand up, he ends up sliding a little on the lube. Once he's up, he takes a dive and slides right up next to Dirk, positioning so that he's laying on his side, head propped up on his hand as he looks at Dirk.]

Well at first I was, because y'know... My lube. But I think you put it to the best use ever next to sex. So we're cool.

[He holds out his other hand for a fistbump, giving Dirk a smile.]

_{[So he's wearing the stupidest expression right now, but that's okay, because this is even further verification that he's seemed to need a lot lately.]}

Sweet.
Video games got boring after a while, so.

_{[He pauses briefly.]}

Can we keep it up for a while?

[It's okay, because Bro is totally wearing a pretty silly smile too. And it doesn't help there's water and lube soaking him to the bone. Overall it's just a really silly situation and his cool.

It's lost.

He doesn't care for once.]

We can keep it for as long as you want. But I'm buying your own lube, don't touch mine.

Awesome.

_{[Bro, don't do that. You know what's going to happen, don't you. Think of the kitchen floor. He'll turn the flat into a lube-slicked fun house.]}

Can I get condoms too? They make better water balloons than the regular balloons.

_{[He may or may not even know what they're supposed to be used for. In the spur of the moment he didn't read the wrappers.]}

I...

[He thinks about this for a few seconds.][Except the more he thinks about it, maybe condom water balloons isn't such a terrible idea... BUT NO. Nope.]

_{[This face. Just this one. Staring at Bro.]}

... I'm not getting you condoms.

[It takes a lot of willpower to say this, because they do sound fun. But no. That is such a tragic waste of condoms.]

Dude, you're lame.

_{[He really wanted to make more water balloons out of them. Luckily he has some in the freezer, but.]}

One day. One day you'll understand where I'm coming from and what a depressing waste it is to use them as balloons. Until then, you're free to think I'm lame. I don't give a fuck.

Right. When I'm thirteen. Guess I know what I'm doing for that birthday.

Five Smuppets [Private to the Adults; Unhackable- But also an Unfiltered bit!]]

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