sortinghat_rp | Five Smuppets [Private to the Adults; Unhackable- But also an Unfiltered bit!]]

ok so.
i need help.
oh look bro striders asking for help.
its a sign of the fucking apocalypse or somethin.
whatever shittyass douchebag comment youve got about this you can go shove it up your hairy ass.
because i dont fucking care if you think its funny.
i legit need help so just keep your fucking commentary to yourself for once.
murdoc i am looking right the fuck at you.
go away.
i dont even know why i didnt filter you out of this.
i know youve got shit to say.
and yknow its not like you have anything relevant to add to this anyway.
youre the last person i even want to ask for advice from.
especially on this fucking matter.
anyway.
yeah so here i go.

[Well now that he's about to get to the matter, he feels really hesitant. It's been a while since he's talked about this kind of thing. In fact, he... hasn't really talked about it since it happened. It's just something he's bottled up and tried to forget about. He's tried to ignore the signs that it's still an issue, for himself and for Dirk. But after what happened on the journals with Dirk, he can't keep ignoring that there's a problem. A problem he just doesn't know how to fix at all, because... To be honest, it still hurts him too. Even though he's pretended that it hasn't ever since Dirk moved in.]

so yeah yknow.
my bro died. im sure you all remember that.
theres no need to point out how i fucked up there guys.
i know.
i really do.
so just shut up because im sure youre dying to remind me how much i fucked up there.
dont.
seriously just dont.
anyway. yeah. he died and so im left with a nephew.
a really fucking rad nephew by the way.
hes great.
i really just couldnt even ask for a better nephew.
except i think hes broken.
i mean.
i dont mean that in like a bad way.
i legit mean that i think somethings wrong.
and i dont know how to fix it.
i just think its really getting to him and i dont think he wants to even admit it himself.
i mean im sure if i asked him hed just deny the hell out of it.
because thats what striders do.
and i can admit we can be really fucking annoying like that.
but the thing is even if i did ask him.
i couldnt.
because i dont know how to fucking ask.
i dont know how to deal with this shit you guys.
i dont even know how to deal with his death to be fucking honest.
so how the hell dyou help an 11 year old.
its just really obvious from the way he talks that its there.
right underneath the surface.
i think hes got some resentment or some shit.
maybe even for me because i didnt really talk to my bro all that much.
i just dont know.

so how do i deal with this.
what do i even do.
i never thought id ask for parenting advice but.
well here the fuck i am.

also.
uh.
i know that dave went through a lot last year and i was wondering if there was anything i should do about that too.
like. do i talk to him about it or just.
pretend none of it ever happened. because im sure hed rather just forget about it.
but i dunno i mean that doesnt seem to be helping dirk so i just figured that maybe dave might need to let it out or something too.

anyway yeah.
i need a drink.

[After a few seconds, he adds an unfiltered part as an after thought, because he really just needs to get his mind off of this shit.]

so i hope you little shits all had a fantastic time at the party.
you owe me some fucking lube though.
and condoms.
because seriously who uses a mans condoms.
thats just rude.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She's also a child, so I can't imagine her getting very far. Child psychologists don't sit them down on chairs and ask them to talk. It might be good if they both go and see how a third party finds their interactions.

hey dont be hatin.
shes actually a really great budding therapist.
i mean she sounds so damn smart when she does it.
real legit like a therapist should.

also shes my daughter i guess i forgot to mention that one too.
thats got a lot of issues there too.
but those are ones im trying to fix myself.
im not at the desperate stage yet.
i can do this.
i just told you in case you wanted to try insulting her therapy skills.
which would be a no no.
i didnt tell you because i need help with her.
i got it under control.

Saying that she isn't a trained professional isn't hating or insulting. It's a fact, a top marks student in defense class isn't an Auror, yet.

How many children are you currently caring for?

well yeah obviously.
i just mean i think if somebody said that to her face it might hurt her feelings or something idk.

oh just two.
i mean rose doesnt live with me.
she and dave are twins.
its kinda like the parent trap only there is no.
chance.
of us getting back together.
but yeah.
shes off with ma lalonde.

Find someone that he can talk to, even if it isn't a professional. Adoption isn't an easy thing to adjust to, even if you knew your birth parents.

do you happen to have any suggestions on who?
i mean.
i dunno are you good with kids?
maybe you could try.
uh if you were interested i guess.

I don't think I'm the right person for the job. I don't come off as Mother Goose.

oh.
well ok.
but you come off as pretty damn goosey to me.
and i mean that in the best way possible.
you sound like you know what youre doing.
and recs?

Thanks, maybe I'll apply for Head of House.

What about the Headmaster? He seems to know how to deal with everyone.

yeah maybe you should.
i mean why the hell wouldnt you get the spot?
theyd be dumb not to hire a chick like you.
youve got balls.
i mean no offense by that.
its a total compliment.

and.

yeah no.
that would be so fucking awkward.
i dont want my boss knowing my personal biz.
getting all up in my kids grill.
its just.
weird.

Don't worry, I know a compliment when I see it. Thanks Strider.

Dumbledore, getting up in a grill... that sounds far more strange.

yeah yeah youre welcome.
no need to get sappy over it.

and you know i didnt mean literally right.
its a figure of speech.

except now im thinking literally and goddamn that is a weird mental image.
wow.
okay then.
not sure if want.

Don't worry, I'm not going to hug you when I see you next and cry tears of joy from your encouragement.

The answer you're looking for is, you don't want it.

yeah good.
i mean im not against hugs or anything.
but the tears.
yeah thatd be awk.

i think youre right.

Five Smuppets [Private to the Adults; Unhackable- But also an Unfiltered bit!]]

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