Forwarddated to Saturday night

[bev_rage]

i'm duying dying
im gonna die here on a footun
rip roxy lalonde she died on a gutun footun futon covrd in snacks n blood
oops should i put a tmi warning?
tmi im bleeding erywhre n it sux send help

ps im not rly dying, just bleeding frm my girly biys bits
pps smene tell dirk i'm not rly dying pls

Comments

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

What the hell? Roxy? Did you open the fridge?!

[Yeah. He only saw 'bleeding' and 'dying'.]

Voice

[bev_rage]

Uh...yeah? I almost got stabbed, why the fuck do you have swords in there? All I wanted was fucking chocolate milk, geez!

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

Fuck, are you... Okay. Calm down. Just...

Fuck...

There're stitches in the first aid kit in the bathroom. I'll walk Dirk through stitching you up.

[Guess who. feels like the worst person on the entire planet.

It's not Bro.

That's because Bro feels like the worst person in all of existence.]

Voice

[bev_rage]

Wait, what? Stitches? What?

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

You're hurt and you need some fucking stitches! Put Dirk on the ph- Journal. What the fuck ever.

Voice

[bev_rage]

Mum didn't tell me anything about stitches.

And I think Dirk is puking.

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

What the fuck is wrong with Dirk?

Voice

[bev_rage]

He saw a bloody towel and then we yelled at each other and now he's puking and I feel really shitty for makin' him sick.

[There's a noticeable tremble in her voice now. You've got an eleven year old girl on the verge of tears, Bro, what do you do?]

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

[If you listen carefully you can hear him frantically murmuring something about 'oh my god what a fucking pussy jesus christ'.]

Alright fine whatever. No big deal. Just. Relax and calm down and don't fucking die okay? Seriously.

FUCK.

You're gonna have to stitch yourself.

Voice

[bev_rage]

What?!

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

I said calm down!

[Says the man who has a frantic edge to his voice.]

If Dirk's out of commission then who the hell else is gonna do it? C'mon Rox, put on your big girl panties and get the fucking needle. It'll be okay, I promise! I'll walk you through it every step of the way! Because seriously this is really fucking important, you could die!

[God he hates himself so much why did he ever put those swords in the fridge he is so stupid fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck jesus fuck christ on a cracker fuuuuuck.]

Voice

[bev_rage]

[WELP now she's crying.]

Mum told me it was totally natural, what the fuck?!

[SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DIE. WHY DID HER MOTHER LIE TO HER?]

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

What the fuck is natural about a sword wound?!

[STOP CRYING STOP YOU'RE JUST WORRYING HIM MORE JESUS CHRIST.]

Voice

[bev_rage]

It's not a sword wound, I got my period!

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

[You...What.

Hold on.

Just hold on.

It's quite possible he's completely blanked out.

Flatlining all up in here.

What.]

Voice

[bev_rage]

...You okay?

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

[No. No he's not alright.

The sudden hysterical laughter clearly proves this. And it's full on, deep belly laughter with a slightly manic tone to it because. Holy shit. You're not dying. This is fantastic.

Jesus Christ he hates his life.]

Voice

[bev_rage]

[Bro please.

You're freaking her out.]

Uh...'lo?

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

[No. Nope. He's still laughing. By this point, tears are streaming down his face and he's had to shake off his shades. If Dave's in the room, he is probably freaked the hell out. Then again, he was probably freaked the hell out when he was yelling at Roxy.

It takes at least more than a minute before Bro can finally stop laughing, and he's breathing heavily when he finally does speak.]

No wonder...he puked...Ahaha...Oh, Jesus.

Voice

[bev_rage]

It wouldn't be as funny if you were here.

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

... I'm not laughing at you.

[He's laughing at his life. His choices. It is a mocking laugh.]

But you're right, this would've all been avoided. I coulda already gone down to the store and got you some 'pons or something. Unless you're a classy pad lady.

Send Dirk.

Voice

[bev_rage]

Which is better? This is my first one and all I've been doing is sitting on towels.

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

... I don't know, let me ask my vagina.

Voice

[bev_rage]

Kay, I'll wait.

Voice

[plushaeusrumpified]

The Brogina says ask again later.