Seven Smuppets

[plushaeusrumpified]

Alright everyone gather around, because Bro has an announcement to make for all of you bitches. But first you're probably thinking 'whoa suddenly grammar!'

Yes. That is definitely something that I'm doing now. Because I have a new job.

But don't let your heart break yet, because I'm still here. I'm not actually leaving, so calm your breasts. Okay no, I'm sorry, even though I'm trying to be all fancy, I just can't say that. So calm your tits.

Anyway, yeah. I'm transferring to a new position; I'm your new Magical Languages professor. It's the best fucking new elective Hogwarts has ever had and I'm sure you all wanna join. I have bad news though, because it's only third year and up.

Unless you beg. If you beg, I'm sure I can pull a few strings with Dumblebro. He's a rad guy, considering he actually let me have this position. But yep, that's my announcement. You can go ahead and sign up, just write your name and year and owl it over. That way I can know how many of you to expect.

Also if you have any questions, I guess you can ask. It never hurts to give a few more deets if you're that interested.

Oh and Kishitani, that means I'm a real goddamn Professor now, so if I hear you question that anymore, I'm giving you detention for real.

Comments

[itsintheblood]

It's called playing coy.

Sure, I'll tell you at the next slumber party when we paint your nails.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Oh I see. You're just so damn subtle with it. You really do sound naive sometimes.

This Saturday night, casa Strider. Invite all the girls you know and I'll invite all the ones I know.

Shit, actually you should probably keep your list small if I'm inviting all the ones I know, now that I think about it. But the point is, prepare to spill all of your secrets.

[itsintheblood]

Hah, that's rich.

Sorry, I have plans with a goat herder.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Ok, so that's either A: A euphemism I'm unfamiliar with, or B: A reference to something I'm unfamiliar with.

I'm inclined to go with B, because fuck you I know all of the euphemisms.

But seriously what the hell?

[itsintheblood]

I need to pick out some goats to bring back to the castle. They need to be a certain size so they're big enough not to be eaten by anything or topple a student over.

[plushaeusrumpified]

...Oh.

What the fuck d'you need such specifically sized goats for, anyway? D'you need their testicles for potions or something?

[itsintheblood]

No, goat testicles are the wrong kind to use in potions. I do need the goats for potions though.

[plushaeusrumpified]

So you kind of just implied you use a different kind of testicle in your potions. Care to elaborate?

And you do chop the goats up first, don't you? I mean, it would be disturbing as fuck if you just... Shoved 'em kicking and bleating into a boiling cauldron.

[itsintheblood]

Well it depends on the potion really. I don't normally keep a jar of testicles in my cupboard.

Neither.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Suddenly I feel awkward about the jar of ovaries in mine.

[itsintheblood]

As long as they're properly labeled and your children don't eat them, it should be fine.