Seven Smuppets

[plushaeusrumpified]

Alright everyone gather around, because Bro has an announcement to make for all of you bitches. But first you're probably thinking 'whoa suddenly grammar!'

Yes. That is definitely something that I'm doing now. Because I have a new job.

But don't let your heart break yet, because I'm still here. I'm not actually leaving, so calm your breasts. Okay no, I'm sorry, even though I'm trying to be all fancy, I just can't say that. So calm your tits.

Anyway, yeah. I'm transferring to a new position; I'm your new Magical Languages professor. It's the best fucking new elective Hogwarts has ever had and I'm sure you all wanna join. I have bad news though, because it's only third year and up.

Unless you beg. If you beg, I'm sure I can pull a few strings with Dumblebro. He's a rad guy, considering he actually let me have this position. But yep, that's my announcement. You can go ahead and sign up, just write your name and year and owl it over. That way I can know how many of you to expect.

Also if you have any questions, I guess you can ask. It never hurts to give a few more deets if you're that interested.

Oh and Kishitani, that means I'm a real goddamn Professor now, so if I hear you question that anymore, I'm giving you detention for real.

Comments

[bev_rage]

the rad red was coolr

[plushaeusrumpified]

Ouch. Are you telling me that I'm not cool anymore?

[clockspinner]

what

no

[plushaeusrumpified]

What?













I wanted it to be a surprise, so if you're upset about me not telling you sooner, I'm sorry.

[givesyouaboner]

Wha
You
Okay so I didn't know that grammar was even a thing for you.
This is amazing.
Like, seriously. Most flawless uncle, that is you.
What languages would even count as that?
Regardless, I need to take this class.
I'll let Orangina play with Mrs Pickles if you don't let me.

[plushaeusrumpified]

What? Of course it's a thing. I'm not an uneducated dumpass. But I'm glad you think it's cool or whatever, so thanks I guess.

Mr. Pickles is already dead, do you really want to orphan an entire group of kids?

[dou8letrou8le]

Why did you ch8nge positions?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Because teaching flying isn't where my passion or whatever's sappy shit like that you wanna call it. I'd rather teach languages.

[doctorkishitani]

Did you graduate last year?
I'm honestly surprised that you already qualify for a teaching position, but congratulations!

Strike unhackable

[plushaeusrumpified]

I hate you.

I'm 32. Does that tell you anything?

[mo_cara]

hOw CoMe YoU'rE aLlOwEd To StEaL pEoPlE's S***?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Wow. Wasn't that like, forever ago? You're still hung up over that?

[rule_britannia]

Congratulations, professor.

I'll be signing up for your class.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Awesome! I'm glad you're giving it a shot. I didn't really expect anyone to.

[thesmallesttrickster]

I will not beg, and I am rather sure the first-year schedule does not allow room for electives, but I am very interested in this.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I'm pretty sure that I can figure out how to make an exception. Not just for you, but for whoever the hell wants to join my class.

If anything, I guess all your little firsties can just meet me for unofficial classes or something.

[thegluethatbinds]

Magical Languages? Interesting. I can't say that I've seen a subject like that before.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I'm pretty fucking surprised about that. I mean, Muggle schools have languages in their schools. Why not here?

[selfhatred]

LANGUAGES, HUH?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Yep.

[hairflyingheartpounding]

Oh, that sounds like a really interesting subject!

[plushaeusrumpified]

You're right and wrong at the same time. Only because it's more than interesting. It's awesome.

You signing up?

[quasistellar]

Congratulations, Professor Strider.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Thanks, Connie. Oh wait, we're being formal? Professor Connie. But yeah, thanks. I'm pretty fucking happy and was glad Dumblebro went for the idea.

Seemed to think it'd be a better idea than teaching the kids how to fly, for some reason. He jumped at the idea, now that I think about it.

The more I think about it, the more I'm getting suspicious.

Except I don't really care.

[witchofheart]

:33 < ooohhhhh!!
:33 < what all are we going to be covering??

[She already knows like. What five? WHY NOT ADD MORE?]

[plushaeusrumpified]

The main ones will be Mermish, Troll and Gobbeldygook.

I know a few more. Come to think of it, I could probably take requests? Private lessons are possible, if you want extra credit.

[itsintheblood]

Congratulations Strider. I didn't think you could speak anything other than English.

[plushaeusrumpified]

What can I say, I'm just full of surprises, huh?

What about you, got any hidden talents yourself?

[bubblingover]

so, w)(at kinda languages do we learn in t)(is course?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Well, the main ones are Mermish, Troll and Gobbeldygook.

I know more, so if there's something you might wanna know, we can see if I know it and am actually any good at speaking it. Private lessons could be a good way to get extra credit or house points, so that's a thing to consider.

[wwistful]

You got my hopes up for a moment there.

Congratulations, Strider.

[plushaeusrumpified]

I'm sure I did, but alas. We were just always meant to be, you and I.

Thanks. D'you know any languages yourself?

[moveslikejaeger]

do we have to use good grammar too in class proffessor

[plushaeusrumpified]

Well that depends. D'you wanna fail or pass?

[arachnoble]

Congratulations on the new position, Strider.






I never knew you were proficient in languages. Just another surprise, isn't it?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all year.






Looks that way, yep. But come on, is it really that surprising? Clearly you've never heard me rap. I'm fucking awesome with languages, English and Trollish.

No seriously, I do speak Troll.

[greenmoonrising]

Congratulations Mr Professor!

What's Magical Languages about anyway? Are you teaching Mermish or something?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Thanks, kid.

That's one of them, yeah.

[notthebee2]

holy 2hiit, the end tiime2 are upon u2.
make way for the harbiinger of the end tiime2, for 2omeone found theiir miiddle 2chool grammar book2 overnight.
repent, or thy 2oul wiill remaiin iin liimbo for all eterniity.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Holy fuck, you're an English teacher's worst nightmare. I never realized this before.

Shhhhh, it's okay. We'll fix it. You're my new pet project, after I'm done with you, you'll be normal again, I swear.

You have no choice in the matter. I have the power to make you take my class.

[accioleggings]

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE NEW TEACHING POSITION, STRIDER.
I WASN'T AWARE YOU WERE FLUENT IN ENOUGH LANGUAGES TO BE ELIGIBLE TO TEACH IT AS A COURSE.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Thanks, man.

Yeah I'm kinda getting that response a lot. I guess it comes as a real fucking surprise that I'm not a dumbass redneck, huh?

[fuckmackandme]

i feel there's a very stupid pun to be made here.
but i won't.
because it's stupid.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Oh baby, stupid puns are my weakness. Lay it on me.