sortinghat_rp | Seven Smuppets

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Seven Smuppets

Alright everyone gather around, because Bro has an announcement to make for all of you bitches. But first you're probably thinking 'whoa suddenly grammar!'

Yes. That is definitely something that I'm doing now. Because I have a new job.

But don't let your heart break yet, because I'm still here. I'm not actually leaving, so calm your breasts. Okay no, I'm sorry, even though I'm trying to be all fancy, I just can't say that. So calm your tits.

Anyway, yeah. I'm transferring to a new position; I'm your new Magical Languages professor. It's the best fucking new elective Hogwarts has ever had and I'm sure you all wanna join. I have bad news though, because it's only third year and up.

Unless you beg. If you beg, I'm sure I can pull a few strings with Dumblebro. He's a rad guy, considering he actually let me have this position. But yep, that's my announcement. You can go ahead and sign up, just write your name and year and owl it over. That way I can know how many of you to expect.

Also if you have any questions, I guess you can ask. It never hurts to give a few more deets if you're that interested.

Oh and Kishitani, that means I'm a real goddamn Professor now, so if I hear you question that anymore, I'm giving you detention for real.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Whatever you say, Mr. Weebie.

_{[That's him calling Bro out on being a weeaboo.]}

I'm going to hold you to that. Teach me all the languages.

There isn't anything to worry about, though. I'm alive. I'm breathing. You're alive and breathing. So is Dave and Roxy.
Worrying so much is really just dumb, especially over me.

Just because you're alive doesn't mean you're always okay.

Sometimes being alive hurts.

Sometimes the problems you think there are only exist because you decided they do.

And sometimes people say deep shit like that to hide the fact there's something wrong.

Maybe people just don't like being told that they're defective when they're completely functional.

And you can be functional and broken at the same goddamn time, Dirk.

I'm the fucking expert at functionally broken.

But I'm not. There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm not sure why you're so convinced of otherwise.
My dad is dead.
I don't have a mother.
It's whatever. I'm over it.
There's no point in focusing on this so much. You have other things to worry about.
Things that aren't me.
Like your real kid.

[There are several inkblots as he just stares the page. That was like a punch to the gut. It came out of left field and he just... He has no idea what to say. Or do. He really did think things were getting better, but... Apparently he was wrong. He was stupid not to have tried to do more. But it wasn't like he didn't have a lot going on. There was the camp issue, which had just... pushed everything from his mind until recently. He'd stupidly thought maybe Dirk had forgotten too.

Stupidly. Very stupidly.

This hurts. A lot. And Bro's never been good at keeping himself in check when he's hurting, prime example being when he'd insulted half the school. So when he writes the next sentence, it's probably something he really shouldn't say. It's something he's kept to himself the whole time. His handwriting is a lot shakier than normal, as well.]

If I didn't consider you my son, too...
Then why the hell have I been fighting a custody battle with your grandparents the last couple of months?
Why the hell have I been looking into legally adopting you once it's over?

If I didn't love you with all of my fucking heart, you'd be in Texas right now.

So don't.

Don't say that. Don't you fucking dare say that, because you are just as much my son as Dave.

_{[There aren't any ink blots before his response. That's because he dropped the pen all together it rolled off onto one of his blankets. He's not sure what to think of this response because this is as far out there as his own outburst had been. But this also explained some of the things he'd observed since coming to live with Bro.

Like the large stacks of paperwork that had come in the mail over the past several months and the oddly timed phone calls where Bro was sounded angry, but Dirk had never hung around long enough to understand the context of what was going on.

There's so much he wants to say but he can't find a way to form it into words so he can only handle the more pressing issue first.]}

Why didn't you tell me before?

[He'd tried to be careful. He'd tried to hide it all, but there were just some things he couldn't. There were times when he was in a heated phone call and couldn't get off the phone even though Dirk was around. He was thankful Dirk had never questioned him though and seemed oblivious.]

Because.

I wanted to protect you. I didn't wanna make it harder on you than it already was.

[And good job on doing that now, fucko.]

You couldn've just told them I'm magical too.
They wouldn't have wanted me then.
But I wouldn't have wanted to go regardless.

No.
Just because I'm fighting them over this doesn't mean I want them to fucking disown you.
I don't wanna ruin your relationship with them.
Not like it is with me.
Not like is with Dave.
I'm not selfish enough to hurt you like that.
Because it hurts. It hurts a whole fucking lot.

It's my absolute and total last resort.

Oh. Well.
I never see them a lot anyway so it really wouldn't have been a loss.
Dad was irritated with them a lot, I think.
But that part doesn't even matter. It's kinda hard to understand what they're saying sometimes.

Are you winning?

Either way you deserve to have their love.
You have it now. You're not losing it if I can help it.

Don't sweat it.
I've got it under control.

[He's not going to get into the fact that... It's actually starting to become a tough battle. That would just worry Dirk too much and then Dave would find out. No, he's just going to keep the fact that it's been brought up that running a porn site has called into question whether he's a suitable parent. He's not going to bring up the fact that Social Services are probably going to come and question them at some point.

He's not going to tell Dirk that he's scared.]

Okay.
Thank you.

The way you say that makes me think it really isn't.
I want to live with you and Dave, not them.

Have faith in me, Dirk.

Okay.
I do.
Can you just promise me that it'll be ok?

[There are several inkblots as he stares and just... thinks. That's a hard thing to answer. What if something happens? What if he just ends up breaking that promise? He doesn't want to be the biggest disappointment in Dirk's life. He wouldn't be able to live with that.]

If you had faith in me, you wouldn't need me to make that promise.

Or you don't think it'll be okay.

Sometimes the problems you think there are only exist because you decided they do.

I love you. You know that, right?
You and Dave both. More than anything.

Ok.
Whatever.

I love you too.
And Dave and Roxy.

_{[He really hopes that everything really is okay. He decides in this moment he'd rather run away than to go to Texas.]}

[He knows that's not really good enough for Dirk, but he's just... Not ready to tell him. Or anyone, for that matter. He's scared to.]

Don't forget Orangina.

I love her too.

Do I still get to go to Hogwarts?

I would never let this stop you from going to school. It's your fucking birthright. So yeah, of course you're going to school. Don't worry about that.

Okay. I guess there isn't anything else to talk about then.

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