sortinghat_rp | Seven Smuppets

Alright everyone gather around, because Bro has an announcement to make for all of you bitches. But first you're probably thinking 'whoa suddenly grammar!'

Yes. That is definitely something that I'm doing now. Because I have a new job.

But don't let your heart break yet, because I'm still here. I'm not actually leaving, so calm your breasts. Okay no, I'm sorry, even though I'm trying to be all fancy, I just can't say that. So calm your tits.

Anyway, yeah. I'm transferring to a new position; I'm your new Magical Languages professor. It's the best fucking new elective Hogwarts has ever had and I'm sure you all wanna join. I have bad news though, because it's only third year and up.

Unless you beg. If you beg, I'm sure I can pull a few strings with Dumblebro. He's a rad guy, considering he actually let me have this position. But yep, that's my announcement. You can go ahead and sign up, just write your name and year and owl it over. That way I can know how many of you to expect.

Also if you have any questions, I guess you can ask. It never hurts to give a few more deets if you're that interested.

Oh and Kishitani, that means I'm a real goddamn Professor now, so if I hear you question that anymore, I'm giving you detention for real.

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[It makes him feel better and yet at the same time, it still upsets him just as much. He's thankful he didn't hit Dirk in the head, but he still hit him. Jesus fuck. He tries not to cling back to Dirk just as much. He doesn't want to let on to the fact that something is wrong. He wants to pretend that everything's fine.

But that's hard to do when Dirk asks that question. He doesn't know what to say to that at all. Because the answer is no. He draws in a breath though. It's time for him to truly show off his mastery of the pokerface. Or rather, pokervoice considering the fact that he still has his eyes closed. His eyes would give everything away.

When he speaks, his voice is casual. It's not shaky anymore and it sounds calm. It takes a lot of effort, considering he's so upset, but he manages to keep it out of his voice.]

Yep. Why are you worrying about me? I just felt guilty there for a sec because I thought I hit you in the head. I'm fine. Everything's fine. I told you that already.

You were upset before hand. Unless you like throwing journals for shits and giggles.

_{[He shrugs slightly. Maybe it's not even that big of a deal. Besides, who is he to even push it? That's a tad hypocritical.]}

My reason for throwing it has nothing to do with you.

[He hates lying, but... Well, he has no choice. And it's not like Dirk is telling him anything, so. They can both just not tell each other things.

As much as he hates that that's a thing. But still, it's best that Dirk doesn't know.]

After we talked, somebody pissed me off. So instead of putting my foot in my mouth by responding, I took my anger out by throwing it.

[At you.

A thing he'll never stop feeling bad about.]

So it has absolutely nothing to do with the possibility that I'll get whisked off to Texas to learn how to be a real cowboy? Or that for whatever reason you think I'm damaged goods and I haven't the faintest idea why because I feel fine?

[He tenses up again. Dirk's last question hits him and a part of him feels angry, but when he speaks he still sounds calm, though there's an edge to it.]

Just because I think you're upset doesn't mean I think you're damage goods, Dirk. There's nothing wrong with being upset. I'm not asking you because it's a bad thing. I'm asking you so I can help.

Because there obviously is something wrong, and for the life of me I can't. figure out. Why you won't tell me.

[The more he speaks, the more his voice betrays him and the hurt and fear starts creeping in and he just can't help it.]

All those things you mentioned? If you weren't upset about each one of them, you never would've brought them up. But you did. You did, and you still deny the fact that there's anything wrong.

What did I do? What the fuck did I do to make you not wanna talk to me? If you're mad at me about something, if you don't trust me, if I've done something to make you afraid to talk to me then just... Tell me! But don't lie to me and tell me there isn't something wrong. Have more respect for me than that. Have more respect for my intelligence than that, because I'm not stupid and I'm not blind!

[All of that was said pretty much in one sentence, thanks to having the lungs of a professional rapper. He finally does have to draw in a breath, but he continues only a second or two later.]

And please, for fucks sake... If you can't talk to me about it, then find someone you can talk to, because I can't stand the fact you're just bottling it all up. It hurts. It hurts a whole fucking lot, because I worry about you and I know how it feels to bottle shit up all the time.

_{[Dirk visibly tenses in reaction to Bro's words. It hurts, but he just... is at a loss. It's just really hard to talk about this, but he doesn't really have a choice. If he doesn't say anything, Bro'll think he hates him or something and that's not the case at all.]}

It's not you, Uncle Dirk. I just. I don't know what to even say about it anymore. Because nothing I say makes it better. It's not going to make it hurt less. It's not going to bring him back. So what's even the point? It's easier to just not talk about it and to try to not think about it. It's easier to just push everything away and not feel anything at all because it doesn't hurt that way. Not as much. I can just pretend that nothing is even wrong at all and I can try to be normal.

It's easier that way because then no one asks you questions. But then I always got asked questions even before. Like why I'm so quiet or why don't I this and that blah blah. But that's easier than the other questions. The worst ones are why do I live with my uncle. Am I ok? Do you miss your dad?

How the fuck am I even supposed to answer that? Shouldn't it be obvious? Why even ask? Sometimes it just makes me feel so angry. And everyone. Everything. Even him. And then I feel bad. Other times I don't feel anything at all and while that's a relief it's scary when I can't make myself feel anything when I really want to feel something.

[He thought he would feel better once he finally got Dirk to open up. Stupidly, he thought that it would all just magically be okay once it happened. He'd never been more wrong in his life. Listening to go on only made him feel worse and there's a part of him that wonders if it was even a good thing. But he can't back out now, nor does he really want to.

When Dirk is finally finished, he doesn't know what to actually say. He doesn't have the words to actually fix it. Because he hasn't fixed himself. He's felt all of this before. Not just recently, but... Several times throughout life. It's how he's dealt with things. But he's never really had anyone to talk to. He's just... gotten through it on his own, every time. Somehow.

But he actually has to be here for Dirk and help him. He can't just... give up.

He wraps his arms tighter around Dirk, one hand going up to curl into Dirk's hair.]

It's okay to be mad, Dirk. At everyone, at me, at him, at nothing. It doesn't make you a bad person. And it's okay to not feel anything at all. I've been there, I've done that. It's not fucking fun at all, but it gets better. You just... You just need to tell me whenever you're feeling that way, so I can help you through it. You don't have to be alone when it happens. You don't have to hide it.

_{[Now that he's gotten everything out, he doesn't know what to say anymore. He managed to get himself upset all over again because these are things he just never talks about and actually bringing them to them to the surface is acknowledging that these are very real feelings.

It isn't until Bro's hand is in his hair that it happens, that he starts crying. He hates doing it, because it makes him feel like a baby, and he doesn't care what Bro or Dave say about that. Just because they say he's not a baby doesn't mean that it stops him from feeling that way about himself.

Once he starts, he can't stop and he's reduced to clinging.]}

I just hate feeling this way and I... I want it to all go away.

[A lump raises in Bro's throat when Dirk starts crying. It's almost enough to make him cry, but. He knows that right now, he really needs to be strong for Dirk. Or at least, he's pretty sure he should. Suddenly all of the advice he got from everyone is out the window and he doesn't know what the hell to even do.

He just... settles for keeping his arms wrapped around him, holding him a little tighter, scratching at his head slightly with the fingers still curled in it.]

I know... I know, and I really fucking wish I could make it all go away.

[But he doesn't have the magical answer. He wishes he did, but he doesn't.

He considers bringing up therapy, but... Not now. Maybe later, when he isn't so upset. It's the only thing he can think of that would help, though.]

_{[He doesn't do more than nod. There isn't much else he can do; if he speaks his voice will crack and it'd make his crying worse and he already just feels really pathetic for being like this. In the end all he can do is just cling and bury his face in Bro's shirt.]}

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