sortinghat_rp | Seven Smuppets

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Seven Smuppets

Alright everyone gather around, because Bro has an announcement to make for all of you bitches. But first you're probably thinking 'whoa suddenly grammar!'

Yes. That is definitely something that I'm doing now. Because I have a new job.

But don't let your heart break yet, because I'm still here. I'm not actually leaving, so calm your breasts. Okay no, I'm sorry, even though I'm trying to be all fancy, I just can't say that. So calm your tits.

Anyway, yeah. I'm transferring to a new position; I'm your new Magical Languages professor. It's the best fucking new elective Hogwarts has ever had and I'm sure you all wanna join. I have bad news though, because it's only third year and up.

Unless you beg. If you beg, I'm sure I can pull a few strings with Dumblebro. He's a rad guy, considering he actually let me have this position. But yep, that's my announcement. You can go ahead and sign up, just write your name and year and owl it over. That way I can know how many of you to expect.

Also if you have any questions, I guess you can ask. It never hurts to give a few more deets if you're that interested.

Oh and Kishitani, that means I'm a real goddamn Professor now, so if I hear you question that anymore, I'm giving you detention for real.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And you can be functional and broken at the same goddamn time, Dirk.

I'm the fucking expert at functionally broken.

But I'm not. There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm not sure why you're so convinced of otherwise.
My dad is dead.
I don't have a mother.
It's whatever. I'm over it.
There's no point in focusing on this so much. You have other things to worry about.
Things that aren't me.
Like your real kid.

[There are several inkblots as he just stares the page. That was like a punch to the gut. It came out of left field and he just... He has no idea what to say. Or do. He really did think things were getting better, but... Apparently he was wrong. He was stupid not to have tried to do more. But it wasn't like he didn't have a lot going on. There was the camp issue, which had just... pushed everything from his mind until recently. He'd stupidly thought maybe Dirk had forgotten too.

Stupidly. Very stupidly.

This hurts. A lot. And Bro's never been good at keeping himself in check when he's hurting, prime example being when he'd insulted half the school. So when he writes the next sentence, it's probably something he really shouldn't say. It's something he's kept to himself the whole time. His handwriting is a lot shakier than normal, as well.]

If I didn't consider you my son, too...
Then why the hell have I been fighting a custody battle with your grandparents the last couple of months?
Why the hell have I been looking into legally adopting you once it's over?

If I didn't love you with all of my fucking heart, you'd be in Texas right now.

So don't.

Don't say that. Don't you fucking dare say that, because you are just as much my son as Dave.

_{[There aren't any ink blots before his response. That's because he dropped the pen all together it rolled off onto one of his blankets. He's not sure what to think of this response because this is as far out there as his own outburst had been. But this also explained some of the things he'd observed since coming to live with Bro.

Like the large stacks of paperwork that had come in the mail over the past several months and the oddly timed phone calls where Bro was sounded angry, but Dirk had never hung around long enough to understand the context of what was going on.

There's so much he wants to say but he can't find a way to form it into words so he can only handle the more pressing issue first.]}

Why didn't you tell me before?

[He'd tried to be careful. He'd tried to hide it all, but there were just some things he couldn't. There were times when he was in a heated phone call and couldn't get off the phone even though Dirk was around. He was thankful Dirk had never questioned him though and seemed oblivious.]

Because.

I wanted to protect you. I didn't wanna make it harder on you than it already was.

[And good job on doing that now, fucko.]

You couldn've just told them I'm magical too.
They wouldn't have wanted me then.
But I wouldn't have wanted to go regardless.

No.
Just because I'm fighting them over this doesn't mean I want them to fucking disown you.
I don't wanna ruin your relationship with them.
Not like it is with me.
Not like is with Dave.
I'm not selfish enough to hurt you like that.
Because it hurts. It hurts a whole fucking lot.

It's my absolute and total last resort.

Oh. Well.
I never see them a lot anyway so it really wouldn't have been a loss.
Dad was irritated with them a lot, I think.
But that part doesn't even matter. It's kinda hard to understand what they're saying sometimes.

Are you winning?

Either way you deserve to have their love.
You have it now. You're not losing it if I can help it.

Don't sweat it.
I've got it under control.

[He's not going to get into the fact that... It's actually starting to become a tough battle. That would just worry Dirk too much and then Dave would find out. No, he's just going to keep the fact that it's been brought up that running a porn site has called into question whether he's a suitable parent. He's not going to bring up the fact that Social Services are probably going to come and question them at some point.

He's not going to tell Dirk that he's scared.]

Okay.
Thank you.

The way you say that makes me think it really isn't.
I want to live with you and Dave, not them.

Have faith in me, Dirk.

Okay.
I do.
Can you just promise me that it'll be ok?

[There are several inkblots as he stares and just... thinks. That's a hard thing to answer. What if something happens? What if he just ends up breaking that promise? He doesn't want to be the biggest disappointment in Dirk's life. He wouldn't be able to live with that.]

If you had faith in me, you wouldn't need me to make that promise.

Or you don't think it'll be okay.

Sometimes the problems you think there are only exist because you decided they do.

I love you. You know that, right?
You and Dave both. More than anything.

Ok.
Whatever.

I love you too.
And Dave and Roxy.

_{[He really hopes that everything really is okay. He decides in this moment he'd rather run away than to go to Texas.]}

[He knows that's not really good enough for Dirk, but he's just... Not ready to tell him. Or anyone, for that matter. He's scared to.]

Don't forget Orangina.

I love her too.

Do I still get to go to Hogwarts?

I would never let this stop you from going to school. It's your fucking birthright. So yeah, of course you're going to school. Don't worry about that.

Okay. I guess there isn't anything else to talk about then.

[That's a lie. Bro knows it, but... After everything, he's almost afraid to push Dirk for info. He doesn't want to upset him.]

Are you sure?

I mean.

I really am here, you can talk to me about anything.

I don't know what there is to talk about.
It's fine.

[Inkblots. Just... Inkblots.

There's not much more he can say on the matter. If Dirk still feels like he can't talk to him, then just... Okay.

Cool.]

Ok.

[And that's really all there is to say on the matter. Guess that means the conversation is over.]

_{[It's not anything personal. Dirk just doesn't know how to talk about anyone. He spent the majority of his childhood self-coping and confiding in Cal. It's different talking to a puppet and talking to someone who can actually respond.

That isn't to say that there's nothing on his mind, though. His mind is racing. He's scared. He doesn't like change and it was already a change enough to come to live with his uncle. That transition had been smooth enough, but now he's just scared of the idea of being sent off to the other side of the world and being isolated from everyone he cares about.

Even if Bro says that's not going to happen, Dirk has a hard time believing him. That's nothing particularly personal to Bro, it's just the habit he'd developed from the entirety of his childhood. That sort of thing doesn't change over night.

He inhales sharply through his nose and closes the journal. There isn't anything to respond to. He tucks it under his pillow and climbs off the bed before making his way to the kitchen. Fanta is a thing he wants right now.]}

[After a few seconds, it becomes clear that Dirk isn't going to respond. He didn't know what he was expecting after his response. Clearly he wasn't going to get an actual confession. He wished he knew what he'd done wrong. He wished he knew why the hell Dirk wouldn't just talk to him. Maybe he wasn't always the most approachable person, but... Ever since Dirk had come to live with them, he'd tried. So. What was he doing wrong?

He kept staring at the journal for a long while, before letting out a frustrated groan. He twisted and fell back to lay down across the futon, resting his head on the arm. He didn't realize he was clutching his journal to the point of crumpling up several of the pages until a second or two later. It was around that time that Dirk was coming out of the room and into the kitchen, but he didn't even realize it.

If he'd realized it, he wouldn't have chucked the journal over the back of the futon in frustration like he did. He also wouldn't have buried his face in his hands and let out another groan.]

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