20 things that are horribly wrong with my life – [VOICE]

[nunganunga_k_o]

Why would a cat eat a quill? I ask you.

[There is a little girl's voice]

Ginger, can I talk to the paper people? I will sing my arsey song!

Libs, no, they don't want to hear–

–Sex bum, I am a sex bum, poo poo BUM BUM ARSEY!

Uh, sorry, my sister, she, uh, just learned to talk and–Ouch, don't bite!

PAT MY LITTLE FANNY!

[And the audio abruptly cuts out.]

[ooc: Trying to get back in the swing of rping! And non-North American characters will PROBABLY notice that fanny IS KIND OF A BAD WORD FOR A TODDLER TO SAY.]

Comments

[Voice]

[formyownhand]

[A snicker.]

Guess I'm lucky m'brothers aren't much for talkin'.

Your mum lets your sister talk like that?

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

She thinks it's 'cute'. Which says quite a lot about the moral code in this house.

[Voice]

[formyownhand]

I'm not sure if I should be jealous or not.

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

You shouldn't. She seems to have forgotten that her twilight years are over, and insists on "having a life of her own". It's appalling, really.

[Voice]

[formyownhand]

I can understand still wantin' her own life, but she shouldn't shirk her parentin' duties t'do so.

[Someone else would say no offense, or something. Merida is not someone else.]

[Voice]

[moveslikejaeger]

[Nothing but hastily stifled laughter over here]

Vhat a leedle cutie!

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

Are you the arsey man?

[Voice]

[moveslikejaeger]

[While most of Maxim is dying of laughter, part of him is wondering if he should maybe dial things back a little if a three year old is asking him a question like that.]

[Then again, it could just be coincidence and have nothing to do with his antics!]

Ya, dot vould be me! Vavink my fanny in de air like Hy chust don' care!

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

Ginger laaaikes the arsey men! Snoggy hog hog!!

[Voice]

[moveslikejaeger]

Schnoggy schnog schnog! Ahhh... but mebbe ven hyu older, ya? Ven hyu iz a beeg, beautifol voman!

[Voice]

[di_intraining]

Bloody Hell Maxim stop encouraging her!

[Voice]

[moveslikejaeger]

Vhat? Like she's goink to remember dis conversation in ten, feefteen years. Bezides, Hy deedn't teach dis language.

[Voice]

[di_intraining]

No, but you're not telling her it's wrong either! Children easily pick up bad habits when they're younger too, so it's best to stomp it out quick.

[Voice]

[moveslikejaeger]

Cuz de fonny man in de book's opinion iz goink to mean zo much to her. Und Hy deed say vhen she iz older, deed Hy not?

Iz not bad lanuage, sveetie, but it iz for grown ops. Zo iz bedder not to say soch tings or hyu make Greg's ears turn red.

[Voice] 1/2

[nunganunga_k_o]

But I need to do the bum dance, big uggy man, bum bum, tosser bum–

[journal is being WRESTED from her grip]

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

...Er. Just. Sorry. My little sister is...yeah.

[Voice]

[moveslikejaeger]

She iz a leedle seester. [chuckles] If hyu vant, Hy could go get my beeg brodders und haff dem tell embarrassink stories from vhen Hy vas dot leedle to make hyu feel bedder.

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

'salright.

And you'd think pre-school would have taught her how to be normal, but noooooo.

[Voice]

[moveslikejaeger]

Please... Hy go to Hogvorts, und de adults are schtill yellink at me to behave properly. Zum pipple iz chust born veird!

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

I don't think Hogwarts will help with being normal, it's a mad house.

[Voice]

[moveslikejaeger]

Zo vhat are hyu vorried about? She'll fit right in!

[voice]

[ladyliberty]

I like her style!

[voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

Yes, it's all very well if she plans to become a prostitute.

[voice]

[ladyliberty]

I wish I'd thought of "pat my fanny." It's a good one for telling people off.

[voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

Nooooooooo...don't use that, they might take you up on it.

[voice]

[ladyliberty]

If they try I guess I could just pat them in the balls, with my fist.

[voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

Blimey.

[voice]

[ladyliberty]

Only if they can't understand the difference between an invitation for fanny-patting and an invitation to faff off.

[voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

I would hate to be a bloke around you, truly.

[voice]

[ladyliberty]

I'd never say "pat my fanny" if I actually wanted my fanny patted. It's not really very sexy.

[voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

Right. Best to leave fannies out of the conversation, lest it be considered a bit on the slaggy side.

[voice]

[ladyliberty]

Oh yeah, like boys are when they say "suck my dick."

[cantstarvethisfire]

You alright?

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

Aside from my little sister talking about sex bums openly on the journals, I am great, never been better.

[Voice]

[cantstarvethisfire]

It could be worse, she could sing it out at the market and dance on chairs.

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

She does do that. And at the pool, and at the infirmary. Usually with an encore of pulling her pooey nappies down.

[Voice]

[cantstarvethisfire]

Really?

[rule_britannia]

.. Dear Lord, who taught her to say that?

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

I blame the Americans entirely. We went on holiday in Memphis, Memphis and they brought up this fanny business.

The rest is probably my vair vair crude Vati. He can be quite crass.

[Voice]

[rule_britannia]

I do hope she's not embarrassed you by shouting it in a public place. Young children are so terribly impressionable.

[Voice]

[nunganunga_k_o]

No, she's finally gone off playing with Angus.

...Bugger it all, she's put him in the fridge again. LIBBY, NO!

[you are going to get a bit of a pause now, Arthur]

[Voice]

[rule_britannia]

Oh, bloody hell...

[That's alright, he can wait. He has a book to read anyway]