11 Smuppets; Text

[plushaeusrumpified]

Leave me here to die

33 sucks.

Out of all of the numbers out there, it's probably the worst number by far. I mean, what's even the point of it? 32 is better. 31 is better. 33 is absolutely pointless in its existence. And it's an odd number. Odd. Odd numbers suck, but 33 is the suckiest odd number out of all of them.

There's nothing even ironic about it. I can find irony in every other number. But not this one. It's like anti-irony in its most natural form.

We're wizards, we should be able to magically take this number out of existence.

Someone invent a spell for that.

Comments

[plushaeusrumpified]

I'd take being 12 over theoretically being 33 any day of the week.

And yeah, I did. It was pretty damn awesome, so thanks.

[givesyouaboner]

Age is only just a number. It has no meaning, you know.

I'm glad you liked it.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Aren't you a little young to be saying that? You still have lots to look forward to, like... I dunno, driving? Booze. Lots of fun stuff.

How could I not? Aside from the fact that it's from you, it was awesome in its own right.

[givesyouaboner]

Technically speaking a number wouldn't actually keep me from doing either of those things. Not that I would.
Driving isn't really necessary in London, though.

I wasn't sure. But it makes me happy.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Yeah, you wouldn't do that. Because you know I'd be there to kick your ass if you did. And driving is totally necessary, everyone should learn how to drive at some point or another. I don't care if you don't think it's necessary, one day I'm gonna teach you how to fucking drive, and it'll be awesome.

[givesyouaboner]

By the time I'm eighteen, it might not even be necessary at all.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Why not? It's always necessary.

[givesyouaboner]

There might be more efficient means of transportation by then. The future could consist of jet-fueled unicycles for all we know.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Well shit, you're right. I guess I'll just have to teach you how to drive the jet fueled unicycle then, won't I?

[givesyouaboner]

Yeah, seriously. You should go ahead and learn now, just in case it comes to pass.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Yeah, I'll go ahead and get right on that one. I'll just trot down to the futuristic unicycle emporium and buy one right now, no big deal.

[givesyouaboner]

Good plan, Uncle Dirk. Best of luck to you. Don't forget to purchase a helmet.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Nah, I think I'll forgo the helmet. What can I say? I'm an adrenaline junkie. I like the rush of knowing I'm in danger. It's pretty rad.

Don't pick up my habits.

[givesyouaboner]

Don't worry, I won't. I might like to eat scrambled eggs for breakfast, but I'd prefer for my brains to not be that way.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Good, let's keep it that way. Just try not to go all Hannibal Lecter on me when I inevitably scramble mine.

[givesyouaboner]

I'll try. But you know, being genetically Texan, it might be hard to resist.