11 Smuppets; Text

[plushaeusrumpified]

Leave me here to die

33 sucks.

Out of all of the numbers out there, it's probably the worst number by far. I mean, what's even the point of it? 32 is better. 31 is better. 33 is absolutely pointless in its existence. And it's an odd number. Odd. Odd numbers suck, but 33 is the suckiest odd number out of all of them.

There's nothing even ironic about it. I can find irony in every other number. But not this one. It's like anti-irony in its most natural form.

We're wizards, we should be able to magically take this number out of existence.

Someone invent a spell for that.

Comments

[wwistful]

[Suddenly, Murdoc feels like he put his well dressed foot into his mouth. He feels guilty. This is meant to be Dirk's special day and he can't stop teasing him and fussing over it.

He lets Dirk walk ahead, sulking a bit as he does and burying his hands into his new coat pockets as he does. In fact, he's going to hunch a little. Yes, perfect, he is the perfect picture of a guilty, sulky man.

When they finally get to the entrance hall, he steps forward to bump his shoulder gently against Dirk's.]

You look gorgeous no matter what you wear.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Two pouty looking men walking through the castle must be a pretty interesting sight. At least most people are too busy to really notice. As they make their way through the castle though, his annoyance abates as he starts thinking about it. Deep down, he knew Murdoc was kidding and that he doesn't mean anything by it. He shouldn't let it get to him, so just being pissy about it isn't going to accomplish anything.

So by the time that they make it and Murdoc speaks, he's in a better place and has realized he was being pretty dumb to have gotten irritated over it.]

Somebody's backtracking. [His tone is teasing though, and he just gives Murdoc a mischievous look out the corner of his eye.] I know you didn't mean it, no need to feel bad.

[He pushes the door to the castle open and steps out into the annoyingly chilled air. Fucking Christ he hates winter.]

[wwistful]

[Murdoc already feels strange and judged in his muggle attire, he doesn't care if people think he looks pouty. Besides, he looks pouty on his good days, so he hasn't got much to worry about in that regard.

He returns the look with a wry smile, poking his side playfully.]

I never said you looked bad in what you wear, I said you could stand to wear somethin' else. There's a difference.

[He says with a small nod, stepping out after Dirk and bracing a little. His other clothes are warmer, damn it.]

[plushaeusrumpified]

Right, but you still called it shit. Not that I'm hung up over that or anything. I'm over it. We should talk about something else.

[As he speaks, he sets off in the direction of the castle gates, trying not to think about how fucking cold it actually is.]

Like what we're gonna do while we're out. I haven't really even decided. You got any ideas floating around that head of yours? I mean, I know Muggle London ain't really your area of expertise, but you gotta have something. Or we could just wing it.

Or I could take you to a strip club. [He makes sure Murdoc can't see the smirk that creeps across his face when he says that. His tone made him sound perfectly serious about that one.]

[wwistful]

As I recall, you referred to it as shit in the first place. I was only echoing your sentiments.

[His tone is a little defensive, and he folds his arms over his chest. Only because it's freezing, of course. Not because he's sulking and pouting like a child.]

It's your birthday, Dirk. Don't you have any plans? [That comment earns him a raised eyebrow.] What makes you think I want to go to one?

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Alright so maybe Murdoc has a point, and said point leaves him without an argument to give, so he just ends up sighing and rolling his eyes, deciding to not even acknowledge that Murdoc said that. Instead, he's just going to focus on his minor little trolling attempt.]

Why wouldn't you wanna go to a strip club? They're awesome. I've DJ'd at some before- and that aside, you're a man. What kinda man wouldn't wanna go to a strip club, anyway?

[wwistful]

A man with a boyfriend? [He shrugs a little.] It's your birthday, you're the one callin' the shots. [Which is to say he'll hate you forever if you choose it because he'd be so horribly jealous.]

[plushaeusrumpified]

Touche.

[He finally lets out the laugh he's been holding in, letting Murdoc know he's just joking.]

If you really think I would take you to a strip club, you're dumb.

[They've made it outside the gates by this point.] So you wanna do this the romantic way and hold hands or what?

[wwistful]

[Murdoc rolls his eyes at the laugh, swatting Dirk on the chest in a vicious manner.]

I wouldn't put it past you, actually!!

[He exhales before reaching out to take Dirk's hands, guiding him forward so he can peck his cheek.] Let's be romantic.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[And guess who dodges? This guy, because you're too slow, bro.]

Of course you wouldn't. [He just smiles as Murdoc takes his hands and kisses back.] Good, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

[And with that, he moves so that they can turn on the spot, disapparating them so that they appear in an alleyway in downtown London.]

[wwistful]

[W h a t e v e r. He scowls as Dirk dodges.]

Then my reaction is understandable and not at all ridiculous.

[He squeezes his hands before they disapparate, wobbling a little as they arrive (holding hands while doing it is new to him) but not seeming all that put out by it. He glances around the alley curiously, not looking impressed by it.]

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Bro isn't used to apparating while holding hands with someone either, and it's a little more disorienting than normal. But good. Because holding hands just makes everything better by default. Once settled, he looks around. They're somewhere in the middle of London, if the sound of traffic and people is anything to go by. He doesn't notice Murdoc's expression as he moves toward the street, pulling Murdoc along by his hand.]

C'mon, I'm not entirely sure where we are, but that's half the fun.

[wwistful]

[Murdoc lets himself be pulled along. He looks around the alley and he's as curious as he is. well. unimpressed. He's waiting for it to look better.

He steps out toward the street as Bro pulls and looks around. Okay, he takes back being unimpressed. In fact, he looks a little bewildered by everything. The cars, the lights, the signs and the people. It's all so new to him. He can hardly verbalise a response, so he mutters in a soft voice:]

Muggles.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Bro stops on the street so that he can get his bearings. Okay, he's preeetty sure he knows where they are. There should be plenty of shit to do around here. It's when he hears Murdoc speak that he turns to face him, not really having caught what he said. He catches that bewildered expression and just grins.]

Is this your first time being in a place like this?

[wwistful]

[Murdoc's attention snaps from all of the damn lights and back to Dirk as he speaks. He tries to be subtle about edging closer to him. It's not that he's scared, but he doesn't feel right here. It's like being closer to Dirk will somehow make him fit in properly.

He nods slowly, taking more reserved glances around the street.]

I've never seen anythin' like it.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[He notices Murdoc edging closer, and subconsciously he places a hand at the small of Murdoc's back in an effort to be comforting. He's starting to be able to tell that it's a lot for Murdoc to handle, and he half wonders just how fucking sheltered Murdoc's been all his life to have never seen Muggle London.]

You get used to it eventually.

[His hand moves from Murdoc's back to take him by the hand, twining their fingers together so that he can pull Murdoc along.]

C'mon, let's go.

[wwistful]

[Instinctively, Murdoc shifts closer as Bro places a hand on his back. He's a big boy, he doesn't need to be protected! But he can't help feeling intimidated enough to shift into Bro's protective radius. Being as subtle as possble about it, of course.

He squeezes his hand, trying not to be so distracted. It's Dirk's day and the focus should be on him.]

Where to?

[plushaeusrumpified]

I'm not actually sure. But we should be able to-

[He stops, because at that moment, his eyes catch sight of a movie theater, and his eyes go wide.]

Oh damn. Oh damn. Murdoc, have you ever seen a movie? Because I suddenly know what we're gonna do today.

[wwistful]

[Murdoc cocks his head to the side as Bro trails off, he narrows his eyes as the other man widens them. In his head he's thinking over horrible scenarios, but what Bro comes up with...doesn't seem all that bad.]

No, I can't say I have. Those.. are the moving pictures with sound, aren't they?

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Oh, Murdoc. Dear, sweet, naive Murdoc. Considering what made him so excited, it really is bad.]

It sure is! And we're gonna go see that one.

[He takes Murdoc by the shoulders and twists him until he's facing the movie theater he'd spotted, and points at one of the giant Breaking Dawn posters that are on display, letting everyone know the movie is now playing. He sounds really goddamn excited at the prospect of seeing this movie, you have no idea.]

[wwistful]

[Murdoc has no idea. He continues to have no idea as he directs his attention toward the posted Dirk is pointing at. He cocks his head to the side and raises an eyebrow.]

They look as if they're part veela. [He crinkles his nose.] It seems incredibly unnatural.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Oh, Murdoc. How cute.

But to be honest, Bro is pretty excited to finally be able to tell him all about the vampires he'd talked about before. It's about time he finally gets some of the things that Bro talks about.]

Nah, not veela. They're vampires! The ones I was tellin' you about before. You remember, don't you?

[wwistful]

[It's not cute, it's a perfectly normal reaction. He has no idea what's going on in that poster but it isn't right..

He rubs his shoulder against Bro's, indicating that he should start walking, but he can't stop staring at it...]

I've seen plenty of vampires and none of them look a thing like that. [A pause.] Sort of? You tell me about a lot of things.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Yeah, but these should stand out. We've talked about them before- y'know, back when you refused to tell me who's a vampire in the castle and who isn't.

[He pauses, and then gives Murdoc a light push on the shoulder.]

Would've been fuckin' awesome to know Dolores was one, by the way. I kinda wasn't prepared for that. Not that it matters. Who could hate that woman for any goddamn thing, let alone Vampirism? I mean seriously.

[He shrugs though, taking Murdoc by the hand to lead him across the street over to the theater.]

Anyway though, these are Stephenie Meyer's version of Vampires. It's probably the worst series ever, but that's what makes it great. They fuckin' sparkle. How stupidly amazing is that, am I right?

[wwistful]

Oh. [Awkward.] Yes, of course. I remember now. You'll have to forgive me, pet. I've lost my memory in my old age. [He gives him a sweet smile so he can't possibly be mad.]

Err. Yes. Well, she wanted me to keep it a secret and it would've been downright awful of me not to. Besides, I knew she'd tell you eventually. [He hums.] Plenty of people are irrationally biased, it's a fact of life.

Sparkle? [He crinkles his nose as he looks around the theater.] If it's so terrible why are we watchin' it?