WANTED: TEST SUBJECTS

[3potionproblem]

WANTED: TEST SUBJECTS

I need volunteers for tests involving physical stimuli -- primarily oral but tactile engagement is not to be discriminated against. Male and female applicants accepted. Disclosure of previous experience is required. Collected data will not be published.

Reply to apply. Genuine inquiries only.

Comments

[3houseswatson]

What.

I-

What?

Is this a fever dream? There's no way you're suggesting what I think you're suggesting.

[3potionproblem]

Have I written it down wrong again? It's supposed to be an inquiry for volunteers to "make out" with, though I find the colloquial to be a vague description of the required parameters.

[3houseswatson]

Oh my God. So that's really what this is.

Sherlock, you can't just... open up your own scientific kissing booth! It's just not on!

[3potionproblem]

Why?

[3houseswatson]

Because when you kiss someone, it ought to mean something. Something more than just a scientific experiment.

[3potionproblem]

Why?

John, you may be predisposed to emotional connections but I am not. This makes sense for me.

[3houseswatson]

Fine. You want some cold, emotionless logic? Here's some cold, emotionless logic: you lock enough lips with a bunch of random people and you're more likely to get mono.

Why are you so preoccupied with the science of kissing loads of people, anyway?

[3potionproblem]

Because I hated kissing Jim but I liked kissing you. Now my understanding of my own preferences is unclear.

[3houseswatson]

Yeah, well, anyone in their right mind would hate snogging that jerk.

So... wait, you're not sure how much of the enjoyment was the potion?

[3potionproblem]

I thought we'd had this conversation. Yes, that is exactly my concern. It was two different people under two different circumstances, yes, but more than that it was two different mes: one sober and one under mood enhancements.

[3houseswatson]

Sherlock, I don't think this'll ultimately prove anything. Whether or not someone likes kissing another person tends to depend a lot on how they feel about the other person. Like or love them? You'll probably enjoy it enough to overlook any awkwardness. Hate them? You'll sure as hell hate crushing your lips up against them. And if you just feel indifferent, it might be a little fun physically but that's really it.

So if you do get people to go along with this mad experiment, unless you already like them, you're probably either going to dislike or have no opinion about the kisses.

[3potionproblem]

You propose there is a correlation between emotional investment and physical enjoyment. I don't think that's necessarily true or there wouldn't be such things as one night stands. I have no doubt that you are the type of person who invests both into the situation but maybe I'm not.

[3houseswatson]

So, what, how many people do you plan on kissing to prove that point one way or another?

[3potionproblem]

Five sounded tolerable.

[3houseswatson]

Five?!

Just... what do you plan to do if you go through all that and you don't like kissing any of them?

[3potionproblem]

I plan to chalk up what happened between you and I as unnatural for me and continue on as I had done before with nothing more invested in romance.

oh he's got no idea what he might be stepping into with this

[3houseswatson]

Yeah, still not too convinced that that solves that forever. Even if you don't like kissing any of those five hypothetical people, it doesn't mean there's nobody out there you'd enjoy snogging. After all, you've said that you think you're CAPABLE of enjoying that kind of thing since you liked what happened with the potion. If it was totally unnatural for you, you probably wouldn't have liked kissing even with the potion's influence, right?

<3

[3potionproblem]

Well, there's really only two means of testing that and the easiest way is also not an option. That just leaves me waiting around for someone to have affection for me--which very well could take years--to see if I can engage with them on a level that is mutually enjoyed or turns out to be a chore to be endured. I am not a patient man.

[3houseswatson]

For someone so dedicated to science, you sure can be dismissive about ways to prove your hypotheses. What's the easiest option?

[3potionproblem]

Kissing you now.

[3houseswatson]

Oh.

That... that would settle things pretty fast, wouldn't it.

[3potionproblem]

Yes. But, of course, there are many reasons why we won't, it being for "scientific purposes" certainly among them.

[3houseswatson]

Yeah. Loads of reasons.

[There's a long pause pause before the next part appears, with a few little spots before it. Probably from awkwardly tapping his quill against the paper in thought.]

Hypothetically... completely and utterly hypothetically, mind you... if I did agree that experiment (once again: totally hypothetically), would you still need to round up five people to snog for science? It just seems kind of excessive to drag in a bunch of people if one person could solve the situation.

... hypothetically. Felt like I ought to throw one more of those on the pile.

[3potionproblem]

We didn't just spend a week apart to clear our heads just to kiss again. It's entirely counter productive. I won't kiss you and therefore any hypothetical situation stemming from such an action is a waste of time.

There is "us" and there is "me" and this is not an "us" topic. Perhaps we need more time apart if the idea of me kissing other people affects you enough to hypothetically volunteer to take the place of people you will never need to know about.

[3houseswatson]

Okay, calm down. You know I tend to drift into the "for the greater good" mindset a lot of the time, and if it was something that could be solved with one person instead of dragging in a bunch of others... well. Anyway, it obviously doesn't matter. Forget it.

Has your head cleared up any over the last week?