One Smuppet

[plushaeusrumpified]

i tried.
i tried really hard.
but oh my god i just couldnt help myself.
parents day awoke something within me that i didnt know was there.
it unleashed the passion of teaching.
im back bitches.

okay no im still at home.
i start after easter.
but im watching all you little shits.
ive been watching all you little shits actually.
but now i get to do it with some fucking authority.
dont think i dont know who to watch out for.

oh i guess i should clarify ill be your flying teach.
sign the fuck up for my class or ill cry.
itll be fun.
well all be high as kites.
any of you lookin to go pro should def check it out.
i got the fuckin moves.
moves like strider.
i can take you places.

btw parent orgy in the staff room.
y/n.

Comments

[grandhighwizard]

oh my.
THIS IS MARVELOUS.
how old are you, dear boy?

[plushaeusrumpified]

well shit.
if i said 13 would you offer me candy.
will vans be involved.

[grandhighwizard]

would you like them to be?
BUT I'M AFRAID I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE A MUGGLE VEHICLE.
unless they're simply a setting for
NEFARIOUS ACTIVITIES.

[plushaeusrumpified]

youre damn fucking skippy NEFARIOUS ACTIVITIES will be involved.
and you know what.
i can drive.
and we can get all kinda nefarious on the road.
shitll be wild.
give people a show and cause a god damn pile up all over the interstate.
itd be hot.

[grandhighwizard]

would we be
ON THE LAM?
that always sounded like an amusing concept.
MUGGLE JUSTICE IS SO QUAINT.
though they have a few good ideas. i suppose it all depends on if
PUBLIC INDECENCY IS A THING.

[plushaeusrumpified]

no see.
im fucking immune to public indecency.
they see my body and them bitches drop all the charges.
and then we go out and make some new fucking charges.
and guess what.
those get dropped too.
its an endless cycle.

[grandhighwizard]

HOW BORING.
don't you ever want a little change in life?
PRISON BREAKS CAN BE QUITE AROUSING,
or so i hear.

[plushaeusrumpified]

whod wanna break out when theres so much fun to be had in the showers.

[grandhighwizard]

muggle prisons allow showers?
HOW LIBERALLY MINDED OF THEM.
though really, there's a certain charm to filth.

[plushaeusrumpified]

oh haha cute.
you actually think people wash themselves in there.
theyre too busy dropping the soap.

[grandhighwizard]

VIGOROUS ACTIVITY
under running water is going to get at least some of the dirt off,
NO MATTER WHO'S BENT OVER WHAT.
and internal cleanliness can never be overrated.
SOAP'S A USEFUL THING.

[plushaeusrumpified]

god damn youre just one kinky motherfucker aintcha.
i just have one question for you.
whyre you not the fucking sex ed teacher dude.
seems way more fitting than potions.
unless youve discovered the alchemical properties of jizz.

[grandhighwizard]

to be the
FUCKING SEX ED TEACHER AS OPPOSED TO THE REGULAR SEX ED TEACHER
implies the requirement of either practical demonstrations in front of the students
OR WITH THE STUDENTS,
neither of which interest me all that much.
CHILDREN HAVE SUCH SHORT ATTENTION SPANS THESE DAYS.
as to the properties of certain bodily fluids
YOU'D BE SURPRISED.

[plushaeusrumpified]

oh really.
im sincerely questioning your appeal if you cant get em to pay attention.
must not put on a very good show.
oh well.
some people are just born sexy.
its not your fault sex appeal skipped you.

[grandhighwizard]

yes, i'm afraid some of us are
BORN WITH SIGNIFICANT DISABILITY.
it's a terribly shameful thing to overcome.
PERHAPS YOU CAN TEACH ME SOMETHING, MR. STRIDER.
i know we're all so eager to learn from your scintillating example.

[plushaeusrumpified]

youre damn right i can.
my milkshake brings all the bitches to the yard.
blahblahblah.
but i have to charge.
im gonna be oh so alone this easter.
why dont you come over for some private lessons.

[grandhighwizard]

i thought we were talking about public demonstrations?
I HAVE THE SNEAKING SUSPICION
your offer might not be sincere, strider.
AND I'D SO HATE
to be disappointed.

[plushaeusrumpified]

see i would but i dont fancy going to prison.
as fun as the showers are and all.
freedom is way more arousing.
and what a fucking shame.
yknow i was serious.
but then your skepticism totally just killed that particular boner.

[grandhighwizard]

ah, you see.
THIS DISABILITY I HAVE.
but let me make it up to you. If you'd care to partake in
PERVERSE, BLOODTHIRSTY, AND BRUTAL PAGAN RITUALS,
i'm sure i can find the time for you.

[plushaeusrumpified]

now now.
i dont sacrifice animals until the second date.
youre moving too fast for me.
we should see other people.

[grandhighwizard]

and here i thought i'd finally found someone different.
OH, WELL.
but really, my dear boy,
WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT ANIMAL SACRIFICE.
what is it that muggles like to say?
SMALL RUTABAGAS?