011

[givesyouaboner]

Orangina has a problem right now.
She kind of accidentally two tails and she's really confused. She keeps chasing after one of her tails in one direction, then the other touches her opposite side and she starts running around in the other direction.
Is getting "too dizzy" a thing for cats? She hasn't bumped into anything so I don't think she'll get brain damage.

_{[He was doing his homework when he contemplated what it would be like for monkeys to have two prehensile tails. Orangina isn't a monkey but she was the closest animal around. Oops.]}

Comments

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Shut your face.]

She's a cat, she can't read. And you don't even know where she is, you have no idea if she's crying or not. Drama queen.

I don't remember this, are you sure I was there?

[It must've been when he was preoccupied with custody battle shit...]

[givesyouaboner]

Obviously Orangina can't read, but Polly is here and she can read. She inherited my intellect. She learnt to read when she was just one day old.

Hold on.

_{[Give him a moment to fetch his markers.]}



Do you remember now?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Oh I thought you learned how to read in-womb.

[He stares at the drawing, and after a few seconds of thought it comes back to him even if it's a little fuzzy.]

Oh yeah, now I do. Well if she's reading this, I apologize for hurting her delicate and fuzzy feelings.

[givesyouaboner]

I did, but she only received half of her genetics from me.

She accepts the apology. She says you're still her favourite uncle, along with Dave.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Are you implying that Roxy, the Ravenclaw, didn't contribute enough for a super intelligent PJ baby?

The scale better be tipping in my favor.

[givesyouaboner]

She mostly contributed to Polly's charming good looks.

She says she loves you both equally.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Typical Lalonde.

Well I guess I can live with that.

[givesyouaboner]

If it's any consolation, you're my favourite uncle.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Doki.]

I'm your only uncle, that doesn't count.

[givesyouaboner]

Even if I had twenty uncles, you'd still be my favourite.

[plushaeusrumpified]

[Dirk stahp you're making his chest do weird things.]

Welp.

If I had a hundred nephews you'd still be the only one who's like my own actual crotch dropping.

[givesyouaboner]

I'm glad.

I'm also glad you don't have a hundred nephews because I wouldn't enjoy vying for your attention.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Right, like it would even be a competition. I don't think any of them would be nearly as interesting as you.

[givesyouaboner]

I don't know; they'd all be Striders too. Who knows if any of them would have an advantage over me?

[plushaeusrumpified]

By that point the Strider genes would be spread really damn thin. I'd be willing to bet you'd have the high concentration of the S-gene out of any of them.

[givesyouaboner]

I hope so. I really don't want to be a Smith. I've tried to hard in trying to be a Strider.

[plushaeusrumpified]

Y'know you don't even have to try, it just sort of happens naturally already.

[givesyouaboner]

Gosh, Uncle Dirk. Are you sure you're thinking of the right kid?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Ain't no other 11 year old with the kinda swag you got, kid. You can practically see it from space.

I can see it through the journals, even.

[givesyouaboner]

_{[Despite the fact that Orangina has disappeared, this is a good day. He hasn't been in such a decent mood and ages and it's showing. His uncle being sugoi as fuck is definitely helping with this. It makes Dirk feel really really good.]}

That's why I wake up covered in bitches every morning.

_{[To be fair, Orangina sleeps on his face.]}

[plushaeusrumpified]

The next time I see a pike of bodies, I'll be sure to dive in and pull you out so you don't drown.

[He's really, really glad to see that Dirk's in such a good mood. Especially with Orangina's... mysterious... disappearance. Seriously what even? But whatever, he doesn't care. He made Dirk happy and that's all that matters.]

[givesyouaboner]

Oh, thank you. You'd be a life saver. I haven't learnt how to swim through body piles.

_[Pause.]

Can I come see you?

[plushaeusrumpified]

Hmm, you should consider asking Murdoc. I think he's an expert at swimming in all kinds of things. Especially bodies.



After all this time, you haven't learned the answer to that question?

[Whoops no that strike is unhackable.]

[givesyouaboner]

_{[That reminds him of something he wants to talk about.]}

It would be my luck to just always assume the answer to be yes and just show up and it ends up being really inconvenient.

[plushaeusrumpified]

If you ever need or just wanna see me, it's never an inconvenience. But I will at least put a sign on the door if I'm getting freaky with anybody just so you know to knock first.