Bro Strider (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
plushaeusrumpified) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sortinghat_rp2012-11-10 03:07 am
plushaeusrumpified) wrote in sortinghat_rp2012-11-10 03:07 am
11 Smuppets; Text
33 sucks.
Out of all of the numbers out there, it's probably the worst number by far. I mean, what's even the point of it? 32 is better. 31 is better. 33 is absolutely pointless in its existence. And it's an odd number. Odd. Odd numbers suck, but 33 is the suckiest odd number out of all of them.
There's nothing even ironic about it. I can find irony in every other number. But not this one. It's like anti-irony in its most natural form.
We're wizards, we should be able to magically take this number out of existence.
Someone invent a spell for that.
no subject
all ready and waiting for a hearty motorboating
can you motorboat a butt
it should be the same principle
with 100% higher chance of poo mouth
and 100% lower chance of nipples stabbing your ears
[filtered]
could be worse
at least youre not a grandpa already
no subject
but you know what?
doesnt make 33 any better.
its still the worst number ever.
and that aint changing any time soon.
[Maybe when 34 rolls around.
Filter]
yeah and if you dont keep it that way i will find you and personally perform that particular castration.
no subject
you got back hair instead of bacne
i have no idea if you have back hair or not
[filter]
whoa dont look at me
rose and i both are single and ready to mingle
and with how many condoms her mom keeps sending me there is no way
even if i did besiege the cervical castle with my purple headed yogurt slinger
that there would be any babby formed
no subject
i wont ask about your bacne you dont ask about my back hair.
sounds like a fair tradeoff.
though i hear proactiv works wonders just saying.
[Filter]
why the hell is she sending you condoms?
i mean she knows me.
she knows i wouldnt exactly leave you hangin in that department.
but i mean hey i guess i cant complain.
thats pretty nice of her.
but yeah stick a lid on that froyo kiddo.
we aint got room for any sprinkles.
filtered
its to the point where im passing them on to thing one and thing two to use as water balloons
because there are that many condoms
its the condompocalypse
there are enough condoms in my trunk to stop the human race from reproducing for at least a week
love gloves for all the willies johnsons peters and dicks in the world
tell her to stop
filtered
but what makes you think i can stop her?
last i checked i aint the boss of her.
hell i havent even talked to her in months.
im not just going to owl her up outta the blue and be like
stop sending our son condoms.
thatd be weird and i really dont wanna put myself in that position.
filtered
i swear its like formally recognizing me as her son also means that she has to make sure my john thomas is properly attired
but if i tell her to stop then shell know im not using them
like
at all
i didnt even know purebloods knew what condoms were
filtered
you cant really fault her for that yknow.
its in the genes.
you may have handed that dragon well enough but you are not ready for a screaming pissing shitting little monster of your own.
listen i know shes not exactly the prime example of condom usage but.
to be honest that was my fault there.
it kinda didnt fit.
and who cares if she knows youre not using them.
i dont think shes gonna get personally offended at your virginity.
filtered
wow way to take a statement that was meant to be more of a
hey i didnt know they had contraceptives back in the whatever the fuckall period it was when the wizarding world decided to flip normal people the bird and do their own thing
and turn it into
hey dave must be calling ms lalonde a crusty old slag again
aint no need to get all defensive bro
and i did not need to know that your flying purple people eater got angry and hulk-ripped a magnum
that tells me more than i needed to know about your tralala
hey who said im a virgin
ive totally touched boob
filtered
calm your ass down dave.
i never said you fucking were and i never took it that way.
in fact i was actually sorta goddamn playing along.
so way to be a drama queen about shit.
what the fuck have i done that causes you to assume the worst out of me anyway?
you fucking do it a lot and im getting sick of it.
its like you forgot i have a sense of humour.
and that not everything i do is personally against you.
news flash the last time i checked i love you and youre important to me.
you need to stop forgetting that.
and that doesnt mean youre not a virgin.
get back to me when you stick it in.
filtered
since you attawhatever
love you too
what if i dont want to dine on a buffet of fish taco
hey can i talk to you
serious like
filtered
thought we already had this convo once before.
idgaf.
i know you wanna be buttbuddies with mr. not a homosexual.
did he ever kiss you by the way?
cuz im pretty sure he wanted to.
yeah go ahead.
Re: filtered
he did
it was basically everything id been wet dreaming about since second year
except then he looked me in the eye and asked if we could still be bros
Filtered
Well he wasn't expecting that. From the way it seemed like Egbert had been so eager, he didn't think he would just back out like that.]
are you sure hes not just scared?
maybe you should talk to him.
it aint easy for some people when they suddenly realize they might swing both ways.
been there done that got the anxiety tshirt.
i could talk to him for you maybe?