sortinghat_rp

Entry tags:

[06]

sO, uH,
eASTER BREAK WASN'T A TOTAL,
hORRIBLE AND HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE,
bECAUSE, sOMETHING GOOD DEFINITELY CAME FROM IT,
aLSO SOMETHING THAT TOOK A LOT OF PROCESSING,
bECAUSE, uH, iT WAS A HUGE SURPRISE,
aND ONE THAT, i WASN'T EXPECTING AT ALL,
bUUUT, iT TURNS OUT i AM, nOT QUITE SO MUCH OF AN ONLY CHILD,
aS WAS PREVIOUSLY, tHOUGHT,
wHICH IS TO SAY, i HAVE A BROTHER,
iSN'T THAT REALLY EXCITING,
i WAS REALLY SURPRISED AT FIRST,
bUT NOW, i THINK IT'S REALLY COOL,
aND, tHE BEST PART IS HE WORKS HERE,
aS THE FLYING TEACHER,
uHHH, tHE ONE NOT, rELATED TO A CERTAIN SUPPOSEDLY COOL GUY,
wHO WEARS SHADES,
aND LIKES TO, uH, mAKE FUN OF FAIRIES,
yEEEAH, hE'S THE OTHER, aCTUAL COOL ONE,

[Filtered to Kanaya; hackable by Equius]

hEYYY, uH,
i HAVE A REQUEST,
aND, iT MIGHT SOUNDS KIND OF, rANDOM AND STRANGE,
bUT i PROMISE THAT IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE,
a REALLY, gOOD CAUSE,
i NEED YOU TO MAKE ME A DRESS,
uHH, wELL,
iT'S NOT FOR ME, eXACTLY,
bUT ANYWAY, dO YOU THINK THAT, mAYBE YOU COULD DO THIS FOR ME,
i WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT,
tHE ONLY THING IS THAT, iT HAS TO BE PRETTY,
uHHH, pRETTY ENOUGH FOR A PRINCESS,
iF THAT IS A THING YOU CAN DO,
wHICH, i THINK YOU CAN, bECAUSE YOU'RE GOOD AT BEING PRETTY,
oHHH, aND MAYBE YOU COULD MAKE ME, a PAIR OF WINGS,
tO ATTACH TO MY PETER PAN COSTUME,
sO i CAN BE A FAIRY, }:)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

cAN WE,
pLEASE TALK FOR REAL, sOMEWHERE,
iF THAT'S OKAY,

Uh...sure.
I'm in the library.

i'LL, bE THERE IN A LITTLE BIT,

[He's nervous... so nervous, because he didn't expect this at all. It had been pointed out how hypocritical he was, and on further examination, he'd realized that was true. And he'd felt awful about it, and meant to apologize to Karkat. Whenever he could work up the courage to do so.

He was so afraid that Karkat hated him for it. But he'd been scared, for so many different reasons, and it had made him try and lie too. And then blame Karkat for it, when he was just as much in the wrong too. But Karkat... had caught him completely off guard. He didn't know what to even say when he arrived in the library.

And even though he took his time, he still didn't know what to say when he arrived. All too soon, Karkat was in front of him, but his arms felt like jelly, and it took so much effort to close the distance between him and the table that Karkat was sitting at.]

Uhh... Hey.

[Karkat had known he'd been in the wrong for a good long while. He didn't even know why he'd lied in the first place, just that it seemed like the right thing to do. Of course, even what seems like the right thing to do at the time doesn't always mean it was. It just made him hate himself even more, which made the confusion worse.

When he saw Tavros's entry he didn't know how to breach the subject. He didn't even know how to make up for things like this. It had been easy with his uncle after parent's day, but this was different. Then he decided to bite the bullet.

He tapped his quill feather-up against his notebook, leaning his head on his hand as he waited for Tavros, stomach churning with nerves. What if Tavros was just coming here to say that they were never going to be friends again and his apology was useless? His head shot up when he heard the Hufflepuff's voice, nearly knocking over his ink as his hand moved. He flushed a little before ducking his head down, looking away.]

...Hey.

[Tavros stared down at the floor nervously, thumbs twiddling in his lap. He didn't know what to say, or do, and he was afraid to actually look at Karkat. He swallowed against his dry mouth, wishing he had some water or something. Or a potion to help calm his nerves. Definitely needed that. Ugh, why was apologizing so hard? Especially when Karkat had already done it first. So... obviously things had to turn out good, right?

But no, that didn't make it any easier. He was scared and awkward for a lot of reasons. He hadn't really been around Karkat since before his journal incident. Since before he started having those dreams. The ones he was still having. The ones he tried not to think about, but couldn't prevent himself from doing so. Ugh, brain! Stop!]

I-I was a hypocrite! [It kind of came out like word vomit, the awkward silence reaching such a high level of tense that he just sort of exploded.]

[The silence was deafening, even if they were in the library. Karkat bit his bottom lip as he wondered what the other boy was even going to say. His stomach twisted again as his mind went over the worst case scenarios again, setting his quill down next to his book before he heard Tavros speak.

Wait. What?]

I...what?

Uhhh... [He hadn't really meant to blurt it out, so he wasn't entirely sure how to follow it up. But, it was true, so that was a good thing.]

I...I just, lied too, and... that's hypocritical. So, if... If you're, um, a bad guy for lying, then... s-so am I. [But on that line of thinking, his mind shifted to the whole peter pan conversation, and his eyes fell from Karkat sadly. That still kind of hurt.]

[He did mean he was sorry, and he was sorry about everything, but the Peter Pan thing had been the icing on the cake. Karkat had just added it in to hurt more, and it looked like he'd succeeded in doing that. God, he really felt like a douche now. He tilted his head a bit, licking his lips.]

It was wrong of me to talk shit about someone you look up to, dude. If you want to punch me for it I completely understand.

[Tavros's eyes widened at the thought. That was ridiculous! He couldn't do that! Not even when Karkat said what he did. That... Tavros shook his head at the thought. Wow, no, punching was not even an option.]

Whoooa, haha... no, um, I would never punch you, Karkat! That... uh, no. I mean, I don't think, Peter Pan punches people, so... I'm, not going to either! [...He paused as he considered the fact that Peter Pan apparently cuts off hands and feeds them to crocodiles, but. Noooo.]

Uh...Anyway. It's okay, and, I... I forgive you, but only if you forgive me... because, I'm sorry for being such a hypocrite...

[He trailed off for a few long moments, eyes looking away, trailing up a random bookshelf.]

I... shouldn't have even been, mad at you in the first place.

[He had cringed at the thought about being punched, but only slightly. Tavros's punch might be like a little tap anyway, you never know. Karkat gave a small, almost sad smile before he looked away as well, feeling a little awkward now that that was over. He makes a small confirming sound in the back of his throat, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.]

I shouldn't have flipped my shit so easily. Everything that week was just...stressful. I couldn't handle it. I'm sorry, and...I forgive you.

[Tavros relaxed at that, and a smile spread across his face. The fight was over. They were friends again! Karkat didn't hate him, and they were friends, and life was good again. Without really thinking about it, he wheeled closer, his arms no longer like jelly. When he was right next to the chair, he through his arms around Karkat.]

[At first, the hug was really good, and it felt so good to know that the two of them were friends again. At first, it was just a normal, best friend kind of hug.

Until suddenly the memories of the dreams he was having crashed back into him. Oh god, he'd never felt more awkward in his life. Ever. He tensed up, and pulled away quickly, eyes a little wide and face pink, before looking for some kind of distraction, or something, so that he wouldn't be questioned.]

U-Uhh...so, what are, you reading? [His voice was a pitch higher than normal.

Why did those dreams have to even be a thing? Why did it have to make hugging Karkat so awkward, and make him just feel really weird and confused? God, why couldn't he just. Dream about normal things, so that he didn't feel awkward hugging his best friend. Seriously. It made it even more awkward knowing that the dreams were based on reality. Way more awkward.]

[It was awkward for Karkat too. Not in the sense that he didn't like hugs in the first place, but because he'd been thinking about what had happened in the shack more and more lately. They'd been off their heads, it hadn't mattered at the time. Karkat had just wanted to forget about everything. When Tavros pulled away he almost felt disappointed before he caught himself, shaking his head. Like Egbert was pretty much famous for saying, he wasn't a homosexual. Hell he was dating Feferi right now, and right now she needed him.

It felt good to be needed like that, even though the circumstances were awful. It also kept the shack from his mind so he didn't have the insisting feeling that kissing Tavros and Gamzee hadn't felt so good.

When asked what he was doing, he cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly again and turning his attention back to his schoolwork.]

Just my Care homework. It's so fucking annoying and I can't be fucked finding the right book. So I've really just been sitting here thinking for the last god knows how long.

[See! That he could help with. That he could use to get his mind off of things.]

Oh! Uh, can I help, maybe? Because, it's my best class and... I could, probably be a big help, there. If you want me, to, that is. [He gave Karkat a smile. And then shifted a little, because. He would be a bad friend if he didn't address the other thing Karkat said.] And, what were you think about? I mean, unless it was about me, which, we've kind of resolved, I think. But. If it's something else, that I can help with, then... Uh, maybe you want to talk about it?

Uh, sure. Care's not one of my stronger subjects, mostly cause of my allergies.

[Seriously. Why did he have to be allergic to almost every magical creature in existence? He shifted his seat over so Tavros could get to the table, pausing at the question before tilting his head, glancing at his homework.]

I don't...I don't think I'm ready to...talk about it.

[Oh. Okay that worried him a little. And between him and Gamzee not wanting to talk about whatever was on their mind, it made Tavros really nervous and scared he'd done more than what they were telling him. That somehow he was a bad friend. He swallowed and looked away nervously, before mentally shaking himself. Stop, just stop, and help Karkat with the homework.]

O-Okay, so, Care of Magical Creatures... let's see... [He wheeled so that he was at the table fully, and looked down at Karkat's stuff.]

What, uh, are you working on at the moment, specifically?

[He didn't really want to worry anyone. Hell he didn't think people cared enough to worry about him. He bit his bottom lip, shifting in his seat as he picked his quill up again.]

We're learning about Mooncalfs.

Oh! Oh, yeah, I forgot that's what the assignment was... I already, finished mine, actually. I, uh, already have a book on them, in my bag, which I meant to return here anyway... So, you can use it now, then.

[He reached for his bag which was hanging on one of the handlebars and pulled it into his lap. It took only a few seconds to find the appropriate book, and he held it out for Karkat.]

Oh. I guess that explains why I have the wrong book. Would it kill them to get more copies?

[In truth, Karkat had asked the librarian who had been the last to check it out. It was going to be his excuse to track Tavros down and apologize to him while asking for the book. He took the book from the other boy but in the process accidentally touching him. There were several things that happened in that second, the most prominent an angry flush covered Karkat's face before he snatched the book towards him and turned his head, trying to hide it.]

...Thanks.

[In the moment that his hand brushed against Karkat's, he had a sudden and very vivid memory come rushing back to him, and he knew that he wasn't just thinking of his dream anymore. His breath hitched and his eyes widened a little.

He might've been able to push it away, if it wasn't for the fact that he'd seen the look on Karkat's face. It also didn't help that with that one memory, the memory of the dreams he was having also came to him in full force.

Tavros struggled to find something to say, anything, that wouldn't sound totally awkward. He felt a headache coming on, probably brought on by the complete and total stress of the situation. Oh god, why was this so awkward. Why did that have to be a thing?]

Y-You're, welcome.

[There's a long silence.]

...Have you, started on the essay at all?

[Karkat bit his bottom lip as a memory came back to him as well. He'd been trying not to think about what had happened at the shack but there was no way he could deny it anymore. He had enjoyed kissing both Gamzee and Tavros. Hell he didn't even need to be drunk to enjoy kissing Gamzee, considering the older Slytherin had helped him learn how. His stomach churned at the idea that he was using Feferi as an excuse, but that wasn't true. He did like her in the same sense that he'd liked Jade, but...

Ugh. So confusing.

He blinked when Tavros spoke, looking a bit dumbfounded for a minute before realizing what he was talking about. He ran a hand through his hair, shrugging and looking at his parchment.]

Uh...not really. I mean the other book didn't really tell me jack shit so...

[Tavros himself was still deep in egypt floating along denial. He didn't want to think that there was any possible way that he could be anything but straight because that was scary. And he shouldn't have been having any kind of feelings. At all.

They'd kissed, it was no big deal! NO BIG DEAL.

Why was he acting like it was a big deal, and why was it making him feel so awkward, and so confused, and so... Everything? It shouldn't have been. But even when it came to Jade, he hadn't felt so... this, whatever he was feeling. He didn't know what he was feeling. It was scary, and confusing, and he wanted to just scream.

Except not really.]

You can, uh, use mine... for reference, I won't tell anyone, if you don't? [His hand was shaking a little when he dug back around in his bag, trying to force thoughts of the shack from his mind, when he was struck with another very vivid image and he froze, hand still deep in the bag.

He stayed like that, for a few long moments. Finally, he whispered something that he'd realized, somewhere in the back of his mind, along the way. Something he was scared to admit, but knew he needed to, to make sure they finally were over everything. The memories he kept having only made him realize, somehow, that he needed to tell Karkat this more.]

I... uh,... I wasn't mad, because you lied. [His voice is shaky, and his hand is still deep in his bookbag, his eyes staring hard down at it instead of Karkat.] I was, mad because... I'm confused, and...scared and... I don't, understand a lot of things right now.

[Karkat paused, listening to Tavros speak before he lowered his quill to where he didn't realize he'd picked it up. He swallowed a little, looking down at his parchment and not really at the other boy, but he came to the realization that Tavros was feeling the exact same thing he was.

He pulled his hand into a fist before releasing it with a sigh.]

It's...it's okay. I got pissed at you for...pretty much the exact same reason. [He dropped his head a little as the flush on his cheeks brightened.] I...I get so mad when I don't understand something, or when I'm confused. It's a knee jerk reaction I've had since I was a kid and...

[my mom died. He took a deep breath, trying to steady the anger.]

You...really didn't deserve anything of what I said. I lied because I thought...maybe I could figure things out. Why I was so scared of knowing... [He leaned his head into his hands and against the table, gripping his hair a little.] I really envied you for being able to forget about what happened.

[Tavros was quiet for a long time. How long exactly he didn't know, but he was just kind of lost in his thoughts. He hadn't expected Karkat of all people to feel the same way he did. Not at all. Ever since Gamzee had confessed to being gay, he'd kind of just... sort of seen everything, over the last few years. Realized how affectionate the two of them were, and thought that maybe there was a little... sort of something there?

He knew they weren't an actual thing, because Karkat was with Feferi. But there was a... a thing, there, that he couldn't really explain. But it definitely made it seem like Karkat was not exactly straight. Which was totally fine! When he'd realized it, it hadn't been exactly shocking, and he'd been perfectly fine with it. It was just... his own issues that scared him. His own confusion and fright over everything he was feeling. Over the things he didn't want to admit he was feeling, because it meant he was feeling things he shouldn't have been feeling and was scared to be feeling and oh god he was getting a headache. Definitely. Definitely a stress headache coming on.

The fact Karkat felt that way was just... he didn't even know what to say. It made him even more scared, to be honest. He didn't have a rock. He couldn't... talk to Karkat, without feeling extremely awkward. Or maybe he could. He didn't know. But... confessing that the dreams were starting to be solely focused on him suddenly didn't feel right. Suddenly it felt really, really awkward. Oh god.]

I... r-really? [It was all he could get out at first.] I... I mean, you're...? [The question was unspoken, as he trailed off. He couldn't even begin to speak it, his voice trailed off in a high pitched whisper. And he hoped Karkat would leave it unspoken. He didn't even know exactly what he was asking, but maybe the intent was clear anyway. He just. Didn't know. Except that he was surprised, and scared, and completely nervous.]

[When Tavros drew quiet, Karkat stared down at the table underneath his elbows, trying to think. There wasn't much else for him to say about things, really. He had figured he just had a best friend crush on Gamzee and somehow he'd been fine with that. What had happened at the shack had just opened up a whole lot of unsure feelings within him.

He crossed one arm along the table, keeping his head on one hand when the question was offered. He ran his fingers through his hair, scratching the back of his neck.]

I...don't know? I-I mean I thought Gamzee was the only guy I was...attracted to...

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