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[rule_britannia]

Two weeks at home.

Two weeks managing to avoid getting a black eye.

It was nice while it lasted.

Bloody wankers.

Comments

[givesyouaboner]

You don't know that.
Who knows; there's always the possibility that I do.

[rule_britannia]

Unless you've been stalking me.

Which just makes you a creep.

I don't think you do.

[givesyouaboner]

That's a bit pretentious, assuming that I actually have the time or interest to do that.
No worries, though; the offer is off the table now.
You've successfully chewed it up, spit it out and tossed it in the rubbish bin like the lady who found a finger in her chili.

[rule_britannia]

Just goes to show what I think of an offer from a kid who thinks he can talk like an adult.
You're not fooling anyone so get your head out of whatever deep dark place all you Gryffindors seem to keep them and sod off. You're wasting my time.

[givesyouaboner]

Oh god you sound so butthurt.
Someone call a medic, we've got a case of butthurt so bad he's ripped himself a new orifice.

[rule_britannia]

Someone needs to give you a few lessons in sarcasm.
Or would that occupy too many of your overtaxed brain cells.

[givesyouaboner]

I've got a PhD in sarcasm. It simply boils down to the fact that I'm just on such a higher level than you, you can't even see it.
Then one day you'll just be sitting there, doing whatever you do, and it'll hit you like "oh shit."

[rule_britannia]

Keep dreaming, brat.
You're not impressing me. I suggest you stop trying before you make yourself look any more pathetic.

[givesyouaboner]

I suppose that works out, as the intention wasn't to impress you or anything along those lines at all.
My previous intentions were already made clear, but that's foregone.
Sure thing, call me out as being pathetic.
I'm not the one who's too much of a chicken to stand up for myself.

[rule_britannia]

And this brings us right back around to the first item of your stupidity.
You don't know my situation.

[givesyouaboner]

Perhaps you should offer some clarification.
Or I'll keep assuming you habitually get your ass kicked and enjoy it.

[rule_britannia]

Give me one good reason why I should want to explain anything about my home life to you.

[givesyouaboner]

As I said, I could offer some pointers.
Surely you've wanted to dabble in some vengeance from time to time.

[rule_britannia]

I doubt you could suggest anything I haven't already tried.

[givesyouaboner]

Have you peed in their apple juice?

[rule_britannia]

When I was far younger than you.
I don't have enough of a death wish to try that again.

[givesyouaboner]

You should be stealthy, then. Turn them against each other and remain in the clear.

[rule_britannia]

...

Alright.

You have my attention.

[givesyouaboner]

Even the best of teams can be torn apart by simple means. Is there something that they envy each other for?
Perhaps it's a favourite possession that one of them guards and doesn't let anyone else even touch?
You've gotta get your timing just right for this. All you need to do is get it to the other's room and choose a spot that's in plain view but unnoticeable at the same time.
It's really a basic and conventional form of framing someone else, but as long as you leave no evidence that they can use to blame you.
Make sure you have an alibi, as well.
If everything goes smoothly, instead of the negative attention being placed on you, you'll get to view a full-on brawl among them.

[rule_britannia]

Hah.

There's only one thing they care about enough to fight over like that.
And it isn't something I can manipulate.

[givesyouaboner]

What is it?

[rule_britannia]

Our father's approval.

[givesyouaboner]

Well.
In that case, you need to make yourself the favourite.

[rule_britannia]

I thought this was about not drawing attention to myself, kid.
Besides, he's never cared for me.

[givesyouaboner]

Well then.
I'm certainly at a loss of what to tell you, unless you want to replace their shampoo with Nair.