ONE ♋

[selfhatred]

[Today, Hogwarts, you will find a list in your journals, written in familiar grey ink with caps.]
PEOPLE WHO NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER AND JUST HAVE SLOPPY MAKEOUTS ALREADY:
MAKA AND KID
PUCK AND LINK
ELLIS AND AMELIA
BILLY AND RAPUNZEL
MELVIN AND ROXANNE

SET ERIDAN UP WITH SOMEONE SO HE'LL LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

ASKJADEOUT
NO WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING
NEVER
EVER
FUCK
[Someone seems to have forgotten that his journal is connected to everyone else's. That last one is also scribbled out several times over.]


[OOC: I have a permissions post if you'd rather not be replied to with angry grey caps.]

Comments

aaaand just as I'm listening to a voice over of a Karkat and Jade pesterlog

[selfhatred]

OF COURSE I DID, HARLEY.
I WANTED TO LET EEEEEEEEVERYONE KNOW ABOUT MY SECRET HOBBIES OF STALKING THEM.




NO, OF COURSE I DIDN'T. I THOUGHT I'D GRABBED A SPARE PIECE OF PAPER BUT IT TURNED OUT I'D TORN IT FROM MY JOURNAL EARLIER.

you need to link me to that obviously

[selfmakeout]

i see my name in there as well
are you saying you stalk me?
that is also a stupid thing to do and completely unnecessary, you are my friend
stalking is not needed between friends!

I'll make a plurk

[selfhatred]

FUCK NO, IT'S SOMEONE ELSE.
HOW MANY JADES DO YOU THINK THERE ARE IN THIS CASTLE?
I'M PRETTY SURE THERE'S AT LEAST SOMEONE ELSE WITH THE SAME NAME.

[selfmakeout]

how many jades do you even know and why have i not met her yet in that case? :\

.......well, okay, i wont push it any further, i hope your other jade friend finds love too

[selfhatred]

[Whoo dodged a bullet there]

A-ANYWAY, I DON'T STALK PEOPLE.
I JUST STUDY BODY LANGUAGE.

[selfmakeout]

i think watching people without their consent is about the same thing as following them
what does that even tell you?

[selfhatred]

NO IT'S NOT.
STUDYING BODY LANGUAGE AND STALKING PEOPLE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
IF I WANTED TO STALK SOMEONE I'D HIDE AROUND A FUCKING CORNER AND TAKE FUCKING PHOTOS WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION.

[selfmakeout]

you have a camera?

[selfhatred]

AT HOME.
TECHNOLOGY DOESN'T WORK IN HOGWARTS, REMEMBER?

[selfmakeout]

of course i do, you prat, i meant a wizard camera!
but i guess that wouldn't make much sense either, why would a third year have a camera at school

unless you wanted to do detective work!! :o

[selfhatred]

AND WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?
DETECTIVES ARE LAME.

[selfmakeout]

you are studying people and finding potential romantic matches, is that not like detective work itself?

you are just a detective in love!!!

[selfhatred]

I GUESS, BUT NOT IN THE SENSE OF ACTUAL DETECTIVE WORK.
I'M JUST HELPING PEOPLE ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO FUCKING BLIND.

[selfmakeout]

that is awfully nice of you, karkat
maybe i could help you a little? :o

[selfhatred]

NO IT'S NOT.
DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ROMANCE, HARLEY?

[selfmakeout]

oh bluh, why are you always so insistent on keeping up the arsehole persona? i might still be in shock about it, but you can be a really sweet guy sometimes!




and all i know is that romance is a very nice thing and it makes people happy

[selfhatred]

[He's really, really grateful you can't see his face right now, Jade.]

I HAVE A FUCKING REPUTATION TO KEEP UP, OKAY?
ROMANCE IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN JUST THAT, HARLEY.
THERE'S A WHOLE FUCKING PLETHORA OF EMOTIONS INVOLVED ON BOTH SIDES, AND THE STEPS THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE ARE COMPLICATED.

[selfmakeout]

do you have any actual experience with it?
why do there have to be steps involved, why cant you just come out and admit it?
sorry, but i do not think it goes exactly like how you see it in films

[selfhatred]

MY AUNT AND UNCLE FLAUNTING IT IN FRONT OF ME IS ENOUGH FUCKING EXPERIENCE FOR MY LIFETIME, THANKS.
THEY'RE PART OF THE LUCKY ONES WHO CAN SAY LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT EXISTS.

[selfmakeout]

awwwww, how did such a grump like you come from a cute family like that? hehehehe

[selfhatred]

FUCKED IF I KNOW. THEY MET IN THEIR FIRST YEAR AND THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER EVER SINCE.
THAT'S WHAT MY UNCLE TELLS ME ANYWAY.

[selfmakeout]

wooow
i cannot even imagine something like that happening to me, especially not in first year

even though i am a third year right now so it does not matter either way

so do you think all these people you have listed are like that too? or should be at least?

[selfhatred]

I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE?
IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN TELL THEM THEY SHOULD BE TOGETHER OR NOT.
SOMETIMES THEY JUST NEED AN EXTRA PUSH.

[selfmakeout]

that is why i offered to help! do you have someone in mind for your jade friend? maybe i can help with that!
maybe she and eridan should get together, that kills two birds with one stone!! :)

[selfhatred]

NO!
I MEAN NO, I WAS THINKING ABOUT SETTING ERIDAN UP WITH THAT SLYTHERIN FIFTH YEAR, GEORGIA.
SHE'S JUST ABOUT AS DESPERATE AS HE IS, SO MAYBE IT COULD WORK.