ONE ♋

[selfhatred]

[Today, Hogwarts, you will find a list in your journals, written in familiar grey ink with caps.]
PEOPLE WHO NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER AND JUST HAVE SLOPPY MAKEOUTS ALREADY:
MAKA AND KID
PUCK AND LINK
ELLIS AND AMELIA
BILLY AND RAPUNZEL
MELVIN AND ROXANNE

SET ERIDAN UP WITH SOMEONE SO HE'LL LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

ASKJADEOUT
NO WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING
NEVER
EVER
FUCK
[Someone seems to have forgotten that his journal is connected to everyone else's. That last one is also scribbled out several times over.]


[OOC: I have a permissions post if you'd rather not be replied to with angry grey caps.]

Comments

fffffffffff typo 2, I am so sorry ;_;

[fuckmackandme]

hehehe, i didn't know you had so many ships, karkat!

it's cool, it's cool :3

[selfhatred]

WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO FUCKING DO AROUND HERE?
IT'S LIKE WATCHING FUCKING PAINT DRY SOMETIMES.

[couragecore]

[Oh god she is quietly FREAKING THE HECK OUT right now. Finally there's a frantic scribble of words.]

Karkat!

That's not

we're not


it's not like that at all!

[selfhatred]

SURE IT'S NOT FUCKING LIKE THAT.
DENIAL IS THE FIRST STEP, MAKA.

[ladyliberty]

I think I can handle that.

[selfhatred]

YOU FUCKING SURE ABOUT THAT?
STATISTICS SAY 70% OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING HANDLE THEIR OWN FUCKING RELATIONSHIPS.

1/2

[donutsanddestiny]

[Angry, embarrassed inkblots EVERYWHERE.]

[donutsanddestiny]

[Okay now he's good.]

So. No love life of your own leaving you desperate enough to just obsess over others, Vantas?

[thisonetime_withkeith]

whoa what??

that aint none of your business!

[selfhatred]

IT BECOMES MY BUSINESS WHEN YOU FAIL TO MAKE A MOTHERFUCKING MOVE, PAL.
'SIDES, I ALREADY PROMISED AMELIA I'D MAKE YOU FUCKING ROMANTIC AS YOU CAN FUCKING BE.
DEAL.

[puckinyourmom]

[He feels like he's having war flashbacks. here come the dry heaves.]

I'm gonna set you on fire.

[selfhatred]

CHALLENGE MOTHERFUCKING ACCEPTED.

[wandsr4wimps]

What're makeouts and what's sloppy about them? Do you, like, roll around in the mud or something first?

oh my god Finn, no why did you reply to this

[selfhatred]

...YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
MAKEOUTS ARE A THING COUPLES DO. LIKE KISSING AND STUFF. AND SLOPPY MEANS THAT THEY'RE USING TONGUE.

[selfmakeout]

ummmmmm
did you mean to put all that in public eye?
that seems a little stupid

aaaand just as I'm listening to a voice over of a Karkat and Jade pesterlog

[selfhatred]

OF COURSE I DID, HARLEY.
I WANTED TO LET EEEEEEEEVERYONE KNOW ABOUT MY SECRET HOBBIES OF STALKING THEM.




NO, OF COURSE I DIDN'T. I THOUGHT I'D GRABBED A SPARE PIECE OF PAPER BUT IT TURNED OUT I'D TORN IT FROM MY JOURNAL EARLIER.

[adorabull]

uMMM, kARKAT,
i DON'T THINK THAT, iS, vERY APPROPRIATE TO TELL EVERYONE,
i MEAN, uH, tHEY ARE PROBABLY JUST GOING TO THINK,
tHAT YOU'RE MEDDLING, wHICH IS, uH,
kANAYA'S JOB ISN'T IT?

[selfhatred]

I DIDN'T MEAN TO TELL ANYONE, TAVROS, I JUST HAPPENED TO USE A PIECE OF PAPER I FORGOT I TORE FROM MY JOURNAL.
OH. SO JUST BECAUSE KANAYA MEDDLES IN OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS MEANS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE I'M DOING THE MEDDLING, IS THAT IT?

1/5 I think

[kid8dik]

[Oh okay there are…a few inkblots…and then a gigantic one]

[kid8dik]

Ex-
[it is just an inkblot party up in here]
Excuse me?!

[knifed]

You should not have so much interest in other people's romantic lives. It is disgusting.

[selfhatred]

SO HIKE YOUR PANTIES UP AND GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE.
NOBODY ASKED YOU, BITCH.

[quixotical]

Are you trying to set your friends up on dates? That's rather cute!

[selfhatred]

THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS.
I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS. THERE'S ACQUAINTANCES AND THEN GUYS I REALLY FUCKING HATE.
SOME PEOPLE JUST NEED A PUSH OR SHOVE WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR LOVE LIFE.

[mo_cara]

a BrOtHeR wAnTs SoMeOnE tO dO wHo WhAt WiTh ErIdAn NoW?
bEcAuSe I tHiNk HiS aSs Is LyInG dOwN aNd It'S mOtHeRfUcKiN rUdE tO GeT hIm Up FoR sLoPpY mAkEoUtS, yOu KnoW?

[selfhatred]

OF COURSE NOT RIGHT NOW, GAMZEE.
I STILL HAVEN'T DECIDED WHO I'M GOING TO ROPE INTO DATING HIS SORRY ASS YET.
IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS.

[and then later]

[mo_cara]

oH wAiT sO tHiS iS sO yOu CaN hAvE mAkEoUtS wItH pRinCeSs PlAnT, rIgHt?

[FUCKING FILTERED]

[selfhatred]

CAREFUL WHERE YOU WRITE THAT SHIT, GAMZEE.
FUCKING FILTER IT!






BUT...YEAH, JADE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.
THOUGH IT'S NOT LIKE I PLANNED ON THIS BEING FUCKING SEEN BY EVERYONE.

[thornsofoglogoth]

Hello Karkat, have you any recommendations to keep in mind for my own romantic aspirations?

I'm still trying to decipher your latter scribbles.

[selfhatred]

DEPENDS ON WHO YOU'RE THINKING OF SWOONING WITH YOUR WIT.
THERE'S NOTHING THERE, LALONDE. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, KEEP YOUR MEDDLING NOSE OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S FUCKING BUSINESS.

[plastic_spastic]

Go jump off the astronomy tower.

[selfhatred]

WOW. LIKE I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ONE BE-FUCKING-FORE.
HOW ABOUT YOU GO FIND A WEREWOLF IN THE FORBIDDEN FOREST AND ASK HIM TO RIP OUT YOUR FUCKING STOMACH AND EAT IT, BITCH? THEN WE'LL BOTH BE FUCKING HAPPY.

[yerawwizarderi]

wwhoa
kar
im touched i didnt realize you wwere so invvested in lookin out for me like that

[selfhatred]

IT'S MOSTLY FOR MY OWN HEALTH SO I DON'T END UP WITH A FUCKING BACK PROBLEM WITH THE WAY YOU KEEP MOPING IN MY PERSONAL SPACE.
BUT WE'LL GO WITH THAT.

[status_is_not_quo]

What
What
WHAT.

How is that any of your business, kid?

[selfhatred]

HOW IS IT NOT?
ROMANCE IS MY FUCKING BUSINESS, DOUCHEMUFFIN.

[lookupforme]

Oh wow, it would be so lovely to make these happen? We should, for the holidays and to make everyone happier.

[selfhatred]

FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. FINALLY. SOMEONE WHO AGREES WITH ME.
YES, THIS SHIT SHOULD HAPPEN, AND IT SHOULD HAPPEN RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.