Three Smuppets

[plushaeusrumpified]

right so.
it kinda looks like i fucked up last time i used this thing.
a lot.
alright listen up.
i was gonna do this through all kinda of filters and shit.
but then i decided im just gonna fucking lay it all out right here to everyone.
i dont fucking care who sees.
because everybody saw my massive pissy bitchstorm.
and you know what?
no i dont fucking expect this to fix a goddamn thing.
i dont even expect it to fix one thing.

anyway.

first serket.
vriska i mean.
im really sorry for what i said.
that shit was fucked up and you didnt deserve any of it.
it sounds like your mom was pretty fucking awesome.
way better than mine.
i shouldnt have ever said anything bad about her.
specially not when you were just trying to help.
which i just wanna say i appreciate the shit out of you for trying to do that.
even if i was a huge gaping asshole bigger than the goatse man himself.
anyway i just really feel like shit for doing that to you and im sorry.
you dont have to forgive me.
you dont even have to say a fucking word.
but just know im really fucking sorry.

vantas...es
and karkat.
mostly karkat.
dude im sorry for that shit.
that was so fucking out of line.
look just because you do the shit you do doesnt make you less of a man.
it doesnt mean youre gay.
i was just being a dick and im sorry.
and im really sorry about your mom.
and about everything i said about her.
im really sorry.
like i said to vriska i dont expect you to say anything.
its fine.

[Despite the fact he decided not to filter anything, the next two sentences are filtered. Because he knows if Dave saw them, he would think things he shouldn't. So this is filters to Di and Sal.]

and to the other vantases (i dont know your names).
youre better parents than i could ever fucking be.

[/end filter]

banks.
im sorry that your brother is a cripple
wait. no. fuck.
im sorry for saying hes a cripple.
i mean even though he is.
what i fucking mean is im sorry for dragging him into the shit.
that wasnt cool at all and im sorry for the shit i said about him.
i know i fucked up and i know youre pissed as fuck about it.
but im sorry.

basically im just.
sorry to everybody.
i fucked up.
end of story.
i dont expect anyone to forgive me.
i wouldnt forgive myself.
but yeah there it all is.
peace.

Comments

[doctorkishitani]

Really? I thought that degree of flexibility would be physically impossible unless you found a way of temporarily dissolving your 12th set of ribs, but maybe you could do it if you found the right position.

In any case, you're right; you wouldn't necessarily have to be homosexual to do that to yourself. If anything, it would be an exceptionally creative and ambitious form of masturbation. You would definitely have to be bendy though.

[mo_cara]

HeRe, HaNg On, BrO, lEmMe ChEcK.

[There is a pause, a scratch of purple ink across the page, then-]

nAh, I gUeSs It DoN't Be ImPoSsIbLe!
:o)

[doctorkishitani]

[This reply opens with a series of frenzied looking inkblots.]

You just did it?

How did you manage it? Did you cast a malleability charm on yourself or was it just a matter of finding the right position?

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[There are just.

a whole lot of brown inkblots.

So many brown inkblots.]

[mo_cara]

HeY, mY fInE mOtHeRfUcKeR!
:o)

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[Eeeeven more inkblots.]



hEY,

[mo_cara]

mAn, I dOn'T eVeN kNoW hOw To MoThErFuCkIn ExPlAiN.
yOu KiNdA gOtTa SeE tHiS cRaZy ShIt To UnDeRsTaNd.
I aIn'T mUcH wItH tHe KnOwInG aBoUt ChArMs, ThOuGh.

[doctorkishitani]

[Another series of very frenzied inkblots]

Would it be possible for me to observe you?
You wouldn't have to perform the fellatio itself, but I would love to see how you managed to put yourself in that kind of position.
You must be amazingly flexible!

[selfhatred]

[grey inkblots everywhere]

YOU GUYS DO KNOW THIS IS NOT FUCKING FILTERED, RIGHT?

[mo_cara]

HeY, bRo, I wAs JuSt WrItInG aBoUt YoU!
mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS!
sO hOw CoMe FaGs LiKe Me Is CaLlEd BeNdY.
oR cAlLeD fAgS, eItHeR, cAuSe WaNtInG tO mAkE oUt WiTh AnOtHeR dUdE aIn'T mUcH lIkE sMoKiNg.

[doctorkishitani]

It's not?

[animalmagnetism]

[There are a couple tiny drops of ink, like he pulled the quill out of the inkwell too fast.]

{>Boys. Haha! Boys.<}
{>Of course it's possible.<}
{>It just takes a lot of practice and carefully working up to it for most people.<}
{>Now! That settled.<}
{>Filter it next time?<}
{>Some of the younger students probably aren't ready to hear about it just yet!<}
{>We do have a couple that aren't even old enough to be in school.<}
{>So be mindful of them.<}
{>Oh! And happy self-discovery!<}

[mo_cara]

Oh, DuDe, I wAs WankInG eVeN bEfOrE i GoT tO sChOoL, iT's CoOl.
AnD tHaNkS!

[wwistful]

. . .
Perhaps you should consider the benefits of a filter as well, Banks.

[arachnoble]

Maybe you should ask these questions in PRIVATE, Mr. Kishitani.

[doctorkishitani]

I think I might have forgotten to filter my last few entries.

But in any case, they were valid anatomic questions.
Why shouldn't they be asked over the journals, Professor Matteris?

[clockspinner]

its not that hard
mostly its in the position
and also the size of the tool
like you said just a creative way to fap

[Filtered because apparently you're not meant to talk about this on open forums.]

[doctorkishitani]

You can do it as well?

I didn't know autofellatio was this common.

[dou8letrou8le]

This seems just very
Inconvenient
For you.

[givesyouaboner]

All I have to do is glance down.

[givesyouaboner]

What.
People actually do that.

[plushaeusrumpified]

no dirk go to your room.

[givesyouaboner]

I am in my room.

[mo_cara]

YeAh, YoU cAn SeE tHaT sHiT oN cOmPuTeRs AnD sTufF iF yOu Be LoOkInG hArD eNoUgH.

[givesyouaboner]

I found some .gif files of it a second ago, actually.