It has come to the Ministry's, and therefore my, attention that Hogwarts is in need of some... Assistance. Given the Headmaster's unfortunate inability to keep things under control at camp and even now under his very own roof, the Ministry has seen fit to appoint me High Inquisitor.
I can assure you that this is a very good thing, despite what you may be thinking and on behalf of the Ministry I would like to formally apologize for the events at camp. It is unfortunate that his carelessness would result in such an unfortunate occurrence. I can assure you that while I'm here, none of you will get so out of control.
You may have heard that it was dark magic responsible, but I can promise you that this was a lie made up only to justify a few rowdy teenagers. This will not be tolerated while I'm here, believe me. Everyone's safety is of my utmost concern, and it's up to me to prune the thorny hedges and keep everything nice and orderly.
With that said, I do not tolerate disobedience of any kind, and if I catch any kind of behaviour like what was displayed at camp, the consequences will be severe. This is the only warning I am going to give anyone. I fully expect to get along with every student here, however, so do not let my faith go unrewarded.
Finally, along with my position as High Inquisitor, I have also been appointed Herbology Professor. But considering the importance of the position, it would be best for you to refer to me as Inquisitor Snow rather than Professor.