Three Smuppets

[plushaeusrumpified]

right so.
it kinda looks like i fucked up last time i used this thing.
a lot.
alright listen up.
i was gonna do this through all kinda of filters and shit.
but then i decided im just gonna fucking lay it all out right here to everyone.
i dont fucking care who sees.
because everybody saw my massive pissy bitchstorm.
and you know what?
no i dont fucking expect this to fix a goddamn thing.
i dont even expect it to fix one thing.

anyway.

first serket.
vriska i mean.
im really sorry for what i said.
that shit was fucked up and you didnt deserve any of it.
it sounds like your mom was pretty fucking awesome.
way better than mine.
i shouldnt have ever said anything bad about her.
specially not when you were just trying to help.
which i just wanna say i appreciate the shit out of you for trying to do that.
even if i was a huge gaping asshole bigger than the goatse man himself.
anyway i just really feel like shit for doing that to you and im sorry.
you dont have to forgive me.
you dont even have to say a fucking word.
but just know im really fucking sorry.

vantas...es
and karkat.
mostly karkat.
dude im sorry for that shit.
that was so fucking out of line.
look just because you do the shit you do doesnt make you less of a man.
it doesnt mean youre gay.
i was just being a dick and im sorry.
and im really sorry about your mom.
and about everything i said about her.
im really sorry.
like i said to vriska i dont expect you to say anything.
its fine.

[Despite the fact he decided not to filter anything, the next two sentences are filtered. Because he knows if Dave saw them, he would think things he shouldn't. So this is filters to Di and Sal.]

and to the other vantases (i dont know your names).
youre better parents than i could ever fucking be.

[/end filter]

banks.
im sorry that your brother is a cripple
wait. no. fuck.
im sorry for saying hes a cripple.
i mean even though he is.
what i fucking mean is im sorry for dragging him into the shit.
that wasnt cool at all and im sorry for the shit i said about him.
i know i fucked up and i know youre pissed as fuck about it.
but im sorry.

basically im just.
sorry to everybody.
i fucked up.
end of story.
i dont expect anyone to forgive me.
i wouldnt forgive myself.
but yeah there it all is.
peace.

Comments

[mo_cara]

NaH, lIke DuDeS wHaT lIkE bLoKeS mOrE tHaN bIrDs Is BeNdY.
iT bE a KiNd Of SiDeWaYs Of TaLkInG.

[doctorkishitani]

So, he's just homophobic? That does make more sense than what I was thinking, given the context.

And do you know why they call homosexual people bendy? It doesn't make much sense, even for a colloquialism.

[plushaeusrumpified]

oh my god you are both so fucking stupid.
i can see everything youve just said.
and im one of the fucking flying teachers jesus fuck pay attention.

and im not homophobic.

you have no fucking idea how ok i am with gay people.
suck all the dick you want i dont give a shit.
take a hundred cocks up the ass.
i really dont fucking care.
its ok to be gay.

i didnt mean that shit.

[doctorkishitani]

You are? I didn't know we had more than one flying teacher.

In any case, it's nice to know that you're not homophobic.
I don't think I'm going to do any of those things, but I suppose I'm glad I have your hypothetical approval!

[mo_cara]

WaS wE sUpPoSeD tO bE aLl SeCrEt AnD s**T aBoUt TaLkInG?
BuT dAmN, YoU sUrE dO bE sAyInG a LoT oF s**T yOu DoN't MeAn.
maybe you should shut the f**k up about people you don't know s**t about.
BRO.

[mo_cara]

i DoN't KnOw WhY tHeY aLl Be CaLlEd ThAt.
I tHoUgHt MaYbE iT wErE bEcAuSe ThIs OnE tImE i SaW pIcTuReS oF a DuDe WhAt CoUlD sUcK hIs OwN dIcK, bEcAuSe He WaS pReTtY bEnDy.
BuT i DoN't GuEsS yOu HaVe To LiKe BlOkEs To Be DoInG tHaT tO yOuRsElF.
i PrObAbLy CoUlD iF i TrIeD, bUt I aIn'T nEvEr DoNe It.

[doctorkishitani]

Really? I thought that degree of flexibility would be physically impossible unless you found a way of temporarily dissolving your 12th set of ribs, but maybe you could do it if you found the right position.

In any case, you're right; you wouldn't necessarily have to be homosexual to do that to yourself. If anything, it would be an exceptionally creative and ambitious form of masturbation. You would definitely have to be bendy though.

[mo_cara]

HeRe, HaNg On, BrO, lEmMe ChEcK.

[There is a pause, a scratch of purple ink across the page, then-]

nAh, I gUeSs It DoN't Be ImPoSsIbLe!
:o)

[doctorkishitani]

[This reply opens with a series of frenzied looking inkblots.]

You just did it?

How did you manage it? Did you cast a malleability charm on yourself or was it just a matter of finding the right position?

[i_bullieve_i_can_fly]

[There are just.

a whole lot of brown inkblots.

So many brown inkblots.]

[mo_cara]

mAn, I dOn'T eVeN kNoW hOw To MoThErFuCkIn ExPlAiN.
yOu KiNdA gOtTa SeE tHiS cRaZy ShIt To UnDeRsTaNd.
I aIn'T mUcH wItH tHe KnOwInG aBoUt ChArMs, ThOuGh.

[selfhatred]

[grey inkblots everywhere]

YOU GUYS DO KNOW THIS IS NOT FUCKING FILTERED, RIGHT?

[givesyouaboner]

What.
People actually do that.

[dou8letrou8le]

Oh my G8d

[arachnoble]

Vriska, I think it would be best to leave this alone.

[dou8letrou8le]

Is that really possi8le?

[mo_cara]

HeY, sIs, Do YoU kNoW wHy BeNdY pEoPlE iS cAlLeD tHaT?

[dou8letrou8le]

Do *you*?

[chousenplayer]

Hetrosexuals are called straights, yes? So what's the opposite of straight.

Bent.

It's got nothing to do with how flexible you are, even if it is impressive.

[dou8letrou8le]

That surprisingly m8kes sense.

[chousenplayer]

English does that, in a weird way.

Makes more sense than a bundle of sticks.

[mo_cara]

DaMn, BaBy GiRl, LoOk At ThE tHiNk SpOnGe On YoU!
nOw ThAt GoT sOmE sEnSe AlL uP iNsIdE iT!

[chousenplayer]

It's not that hard a conclusion to make when you think about it. But sometimes the fact that it's so obvious can trick people.

[doctorkishitani]

So, it's just a play on words.
That definitely makes more sense than relating homosexuality to flexibility.

Thank-you for clearing that up, Noodle!

[chousenplayer]

Yeah pretty much.
No problem.