1 Sad, Sad Story

[heartwrenching]

Let me tell you a sad, sad story. It's a story filled with tragedy and the slings and arrows of cruel, cruel fate, so get some tissues ready. You'll be bawlin' your eyes out!

You see, once upon a time - a time that is now - there was a boy. Is-was?! Tenses. What am I supposed to do with tenses in a framing device like this?! I'm talking about now, but convention dictates past tense for tales of tragedy and woe like this, ones on par with the sad stories of the Ancient Greeks, where people accidentally married their mothers and the like. Which frankly I never understood. Now, I like older women - I like them a lot! - but there comes a point where you just gotta look at the situation and think, "This broad could conceivably have given birth to me." I'm just sayin' it should give you some pause so you can evaluate your life choices.

Now what was I - RIGHT, the tale of anger and frustration!!

Anyway, this boy kept seeing people moaning about getting on a certain sports team - let's call it Shmidditch for anonymity's sake. And this boy - ah - he loved Shmidditch. And he was good at it. Great, even. And while he'd normally be a shoo-in for getting on the team, a pack of cold-hearted wizards who spend all of what little time they've got on this great earth sitting around in dusty rooms and always, always, always sneering down on anything and everything that doesn't fit just so into the neat little boxes of conduct that they approve of conspired against him to prevent him from even trying out!

So the boy was sad. No, the boy was angry. No, the boy was... - the boy is a lot of things all of the time.

But what you should take away from this little fable is that the boy hates it when people don't appreciate what they have, especially when they rub their false, pretend tragedies in everyone's face. And the boy has very particular ways of dealing with the things he hates.

Egy

[hagyjbeken]

[Hope you're ready for some scribbling, Hogwarts. Because her writing isn't exactly the easiest to read.]

So! Before I actually get into some important things, is everyone ready for Quidditch season? And I don't just mean the school, I mean all over the place. I know probably a lot of you like your silly little English teams, but there's a lot better teams out there than them. Like, say, the Vratsa Vultures for their amazing pioneering of the long goal and being so kind to give newbies a chance to prove themselves in the big leagues or you could go for the Grodzik Goblins who had the amazing Josef Wronski that all of you seekers can thank for inventing the Wronski Feint.

But, hey, who am I to tell you who to cheer for? Though I have to say we're going to have some problems if you're on the International scene for Germany or England, not that they could compare to Bulgaria. Or a fan of the Heidelberg Harriers, Gorodok Gargoyles, or Quiberon Quafflepunchers. ... If you like that last one, you seriously need to get a better sense of taste and learn what real Quidditch is about. Wearing bright pink uniforms and acting like ballerinas on the pitch is just an insult to the game, you know.

Onto some real business while I've got some time. Has anyone possibly seen my cat Edit around lately? I haven't seen her in a few days and she's not the type to stay out for so long and not come back to me for at least some food or something. She's a female Siamese and should be wearing a red, white, and green collar with a little cross and bell on it. Any information is highly appreciated.